Thursday, March 31, 2011

Best Picture Ever

This photo makes me smile. Endlessly.

Book Review - Winter Bloom

Winter Bloom
by Tara Heavey

Tara Heavey had a wonderful story to tell and in her first work, Winter Bloom, that story came to life in brilliant fashion. The tale about tragedy, love, loss and redemption all started in the overgrown, neglected walled garden that belongs to the mysterious Mrs Pendergrast. Eva, a recent widow and now single mom to young Liam has set out to start her life over in Dublin. Unknown forces attracted her to the walled garden and she sets out on a mission to rehabilitate the old property. After gaining permission from the rigid Mrs. Pendergrast she puts up a notice at the local grocery store for asking for volunteers. Two people show up. An older, reserved and worldly gentleman, Uri, a tailor by trade who has some gardening expertise and Emily, a young, flighty college student who seems to be carrying a heavy burden. After the three break ground in the garden, Uri's son Seth, a professional gardener and recently divorced with a young daughter (Liam's age) joins the group. The story begins with the garden, but as we venture further into the story we begin to learn more about the history of each character and what paths have led them to intersect with each other at this moment in time. A wonderful story that is delicately and lovingly weaved by the author. The story is as enchanting as the garden itself. It is full of hope, inspiration and a great read for anyone who wants to invest themselves in a great story! ~Peace and Good Reads.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

No Where Left To Go

Where do you go when that last happy place left in your mind is gone? Where do you go when everything is negative, depressing and gray? Where does your mind go? Your imagination? I've been toying with these thoughts, trying to answer these questions, but I haven't quite come up with a satisfactory answer. I feel like the world is mocking me. Everything I have done, every non-action on my part has lead me to this dreary existence. The days go by, the hours pass and my mind resists every positive notion to react. To take part. To live. My days consist of dealing with reality long enough, until that moment when I can sit down and melt the day away with my liquid drug. Ah, that moment. My salvation. What I get out of bed for each morning. What I push all the guilt and self-lecturing out of my head for. Why should I listen to my conscience? What is eating right going to do for me? I always end up back in the same spot. What good is exercising and making it a priority for? I always end up out of breath and out of shape. What good is making a fresh start? I always end up sabatoging any progress I make. No, I'd rather let my mind drift into my fantasy life and live there. Everthing is so perfect and amazing there. I'd rather dvr a myriad of shows and let my mind escape there, into hours of mindless television. I'd rather follow twitter updates and read the latest feature articles rather than focus on my life, career, health, family and household. I'd rather get into a good book than get into my life and make a difference. I've been talking to God. I ask Him for guidance. I think He has shown me some. If I choose to interpret the signs I have seen. So far I have ignored them. It takes hard work to follow God's signs. I feel bad for even asking for them. My children are in trouble, but even that reality is not enough to shake me out of this existance I have chosen for myself. I am slowly killing myself. My body is shot, my mind is not far behind. I seem to have given up. It should be painful, but it is somehow, not. I am at an uncomfortable peace with myself, just getting through each day. Getting out of each day, exactly what I put into it. Nothing. I hope someday my children can forgive me for checking out like this. I was never able to forgive my mom. Now it seems I am following in her footsteps. Something, I used to swear I would never do.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

My heart is breaking...

every second of this day. Please God, give me the strength to help my child. Please God, give me the strength to make it through this day and face the hardships that are waiting for me when I get home.

It is a joyous days for those around me. I have had to pretend to be happy all day. Inside I am screaming, while on the outside I cry invisible tears. My heart is truly aching right now. I feel broken. I don't think I will ever be whole again.

Please God.



Sunday, March 06, 2011

Dear Saturday -

You started out so great. The weather was beautiful everything was going well. Then you took a turn for the worse. I know everything happens for a reason, but I am really tired of that being a consolation to fucked up events. I also know that it isn't what happens or goes wrong that is important, but rather my reaction to it and how I carry myself afterwards. Again, another consolation. Come on, face it. Life is messed up. These things don't happen to make us stronger or someother benevolent reason. No, they happen to fuck us up. To sink us into depression. To make us realize that everything in our lives is out of control. So? Thanks, Saturday, for making me realize how totally out of control Every Damn Thing In My Life Is. I couldn't have dont it with out you.


P.S. Sunday, you were no big improvement. Thanks alot for the turn of events you came up with as well. I'm watching you.

Friday, March 04, 2011

Dear Fat Me -

When are you going to get off your lazy, reality-avoiding ass and start moving again? None of my pants fit me anymore... and those are my fat pants. I am not going to buy bigger pants. These are already size 14. Damn. That is so depressing.
Come on, please? You have a membership to the YMCA. You can run/walk at the track at the high school when Alex has practice. You can stop drinking 1/2 a bottle of wine every day. You can stop following that up with whatever high sugar and a high carb food you can eat to fill that void that will never get filled.
Stop eating yourself to death. Please get healthy. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just feel gross. I know all you want to do is sit in front of the tv, drink your wine and forget your life. You don't even clean anymore. You don't prepare meals. You don't make plans. You don't want to do anything. You are drowning in this pattern. This routine. This cycle of self medicating abuse.
You are a mess. Your kids are a mess. Do you think that they are feeding off your sick and negligent energy? Is that why Jacob is turning into a lying, manipulating, little thief? Is he ever going to turn around?
What about Alex. He is failing school. They both are. What about your husband. Damn. When was the last time you gave him any of your time and attention? He is so good to you. But you, you are so absorbed into your little self protected cocoon. Who are you protecting yourself from? What are you protecting yourself from? There is a whole world out there and you are watching it all slip by. I'm really tired of waiting for you to snap out of this depression. I want to just scream. Actually, I have been screaming, you just can't hear me. I don't even have the energy or the tears anymore.
I don't know what else to do with you. I think you've won. I hope you're happy.

Healthy Me

Book Review - Burning Lamp

Burning Lamp - an Arcane Society Novel
by Amanda Quick

Burning Lamp dives right in from the opening pages as we meet a young teenage Adelaide plotting her escape from the brothel in which she was sold to after her parents died. Thirteen years later she is summoned by the mysterious Griffin Winters, a crime lord known as "the Director." Griffin is also a descendant of the notorious alchemist (and co-founder of the Arcane Society) Nicholas Winters. Griffin believes he has inherited the Winters family curse. He desperately needs to find the Burning Lamp, an artifact created by his ancestor to enhance psychical abilities, and a female dreamlight talent to help him work the lamp before he transforms into an insane multi-talent Cerebrus. The nightmares have already began and he believes the transformation into insanity has started. Griffin intuitively thinks that Adelaide is just the woman to help him and is startled to discover that not only is her talent stronger than he anticipated but, also, that she has been in possession of the lamp for the last thirteen years. Krentz (writing as Amanda Quick) weaves her story brilliantly as she revisits the paranormal London underworld readers were first introduced to in "The Perfect Poison" and "Second Sight." Caleb and Lucinda Jones (creators of J & J Detective Agency) even make an appearance as they lend aid to the quest. It is this era of the Arcane Society series that I gravitate to the most. Quick's storytelling is first rate and I recommend this book to all Jayne Anne Krentz fans. Readers new to Krentz's work should go back to previous novels in the Arcane series to be properly introduced to Krentz's paranormal world. Enjoy!
~Peace and Good Reads~

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Dear Brooke -

I don't know how or why serendipity decided to put us in the same place at the same time so that we could meet and become friends... but I am so glad that it happened. I have had only a few truly good friends in my life and you are right up there on that one hand that I count them on.
You are probably the most real person that I know and have ever met. You are funny, smart, wicked and genuine. Don't ever change, even though I know that you won't.
I'm grateful every day that you are in my life. It is amazing to have someone to laugh with, even if we are the only two people in the world that think it is funny. To have someone to discuss the rough stuff with that I would normally run away and hide from. I always know I can pick up the phone and you'll have my back for whatever it is that I need... whether it be comical relief, someone to listen or someone to roll up their sleeves and have my back no matter what it is. People like you are one in a million.
I have admired you, your son and your story everyday since the day I met you. You are an inspiration and I am so glad you found your way in to my life. And? You totally get me. LOL!


P.S. "B" is for Brooke, Blonde and Beautiful. The total package. The "B" Hat Trick. The answer? Is always B.

Dear Mom -

I miss you.


Dear Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuzanne -

Remember before Facebook there was e-mail? Remember how we used to email each other back and forth all the time? And remember before email there were actual mail, the kind where we would send real, hand-written letters? Remember how we used to write each other long, witty and detailed novels about our lives? I used to love that. And remember before letters we were roommates and best friends with Cynseco and Becky Boop? Remember how we used to hang out, tell each other everything and party, party, party?

You are one of my lifetime friends and you helped shape me into the person I am today. You were always much more than my friend, you were my family and someone I always wanted to be around. I could always be myself around you. I guess I just wanted you to know how awesome you are and how much I love you and miss you. You are a treasure. I will never forget you.


P.S. We should really make sure our kids have eachother's contact information. So when we are old and they put us in a home, they can make sure we get in the same one.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Dear Nico -

I regret to inform you that I will never be as great as you think I am. I love you for it though. Thanks for keeping me company, you always see to know what I need. You have a wonderful soul and I am glad you have been a part of my life. I know sometimes it hasn't been easy, raising kids can be tumultuous (and loud). Thanks for hanging in there with us. And? Thanks for being so patient and helpful with all the wayward animals that have found their way into our home seeking assistance. Thanks for sharing your food, toys and blanket with them. You are a saint.

With much love,

P.S. Please stop peeing under the table.

Dear Weather Channel -

It is not raining. You were wrong. It didn't snow the other day, either. I was really looking forward to that.


PS. If you are wrong again I will delete your app from my phone.

Dear 27 year-old Me -

Don't have kids.

44 Year-old Me

PS. I'm serious

Dear Co-Worker -

You are such a complete and utter BITCH. I cannot stand the sight of your fake smile and "I think I'm superior" smirk. You are, in fact, ridiculous. Where do I even start? How about with the basics. You can't spell or use grammar correctly. Yes, I realize spell-check is great and that you are very efficient with it, not to mention use it obsessively, but even that cannot hide your numerous, exposed grammatical flaws.

I hate the way you treat our other co-worker. You have no right to talk to her like you own her or like she is your dog. In fact you have a dog, don't you? I bet you treat it better then you do our very nice co-worker. It is not her fault you make mistakes. Take some accountability for your self, please. Stop blaming your shortcomings on anyone and everyone who isn't, well, you. Oh, and? While your at it, stop taking credit for her work to try and make your self look good. You are a soulless, empty shell of a person.

Your daughter has an eating disorder? That is so damn sad. Are you pushing for unattainable perfection at home with your own kids? I am not one to judge, my family is having serious (non-food) issues of their own. So I know what it is like to bring that balance into the workplace when your mind is elsewhere. But you? You need to focus on those issues and stop walking around the office sniffing for new titles and plotting your passive-aggressive moves and counter-moves on unsuspecting people.

You know what is freaking hilarious? Well, besides the fact that you lie to your "friends" about your job title. How pathetic is it that you tell people that you are a the VP of this company? Really? I struggle between, feeling absolutely sorry for you that your mentality is so low that you would have to do that, and feeling completely outraged at your behavior while relishing in the laughter when your "friends" actually call us here in the office to ask if you are the VP.
What is even more hysterical than that is when you walk around this place with that stick up your ass and act like you are upper management. You don't even realize you are at the same level as everyone else who is not a Manager, VP or CEO. Cracks me up! You know they are laughing at you, right? Oh? You don't know? Of course you don't. You are so far gone in your psychosis that you really believe you run the company.

Don't think that I don't see what you do with the timekeeping software either. Take advantage of being able to work at home much? I didn't know that driving to work counted for our working hours. I really wish I could clock in for work at home, take the kids to school, do some errands, and then actually come to work. Don't mind the jealousy, it's just that I could leave at 3:30 every day if I could clock in at home. Speaking of which... Digging even further into the delusion you have of becoming a VP becomes even more fodder for the laughter we share about your ambitions when the fact is.... you only work PART - TIME. Please explain to me how you expect to become VP when you only work part-time. Let's also talk about how you don't want to interact with any of our "clients" or "customers." While we're at it, let's discuss how you turn off your (inter-office) IM and don't answer your phone. Explain to me with your limited vocabulary. Simple terms and sentences will be fine. I will also accept words under 4 letters (as long as they are spelled correctly) Go ahead. Do it.


PS - Don't even get me started on the strippers you and your husband hire as entertainment for your house parties. Because, well? That's gross.