Friday, October 31, 2014

Happy Halloween!

His idea, not mine...

Most Quotable Friday - Anne Lamott

Today's quotables courtesy of Bay Area author/novelist Anne Lamott

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”~ Anne Lamott

“And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore.” ~ Anne Lamott

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” 
~ Anne Lamott

 “You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.” ~ Anne Lamott

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.” ~ Anne Lamott,

“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.” ~ Anne Lamott 

“I do not understand the mystery of grace -- only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.”Anne Lamott 

  “Your problem is how you are going to spend this one and precious life you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are.” ~ Anne Lamott

Happy Friday!


Thursday, October 30, 2014

Giants Win 2014 World Series! - Game 7 In Pictures

Critical double play turned in the 4th inning
Pence advances Sandoval to third in the 4th inning

Morse bloops a single to score Sandoval for the go ahead run

Panda scoring what would be the winning run

The Final Out!!!

Jubilation! Giants Win! Giants Win! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Panda celebrates with the Pandas after the game


Thursday Blurbs

1. Does anyone actually blog anymore? You know, write short entries about daily life, personal observations, current issues and events? Seems like all I see are Blogs with Giveaways. Giveaways are great, don't get me wrong, if they are interspersed with actual blog posts. But I am noticing more and more that some blogs are just "giving it away" everyday. Time to clean up the blogroll.

2. A little scare yesterday at work when 8 of my coworkers got stuck in the elevator. Compounded by the fact that they were also in there with 5 brand new franchisees who were here for a three day training class. The group was on its way to lunch. They were rescued by the fire department after being in there for 45
minutes. Sidenote: The elevators here in our building are not that big. I don't think I've ever been in one with more than 5 or 6 people tops. So,  my first question was "why did 13 of you all get on an elevator together?" Apparently, a VP who shall remain nameless, encouraged everyone "to squeeze in together."

Orange fountain after Game 7
3. So.... that happened. The Giants won the World Series!!! And as duly predicted by me, I went a little nuts. It was such an amazing, tense and suspenseful game that couldn't have been more perfect for a Game 7. Damn, isn't the third one supposed to be the charm? That series was nothing close to charming. It was brutal. It was nasty. It was ugly. It was sweet. It was an emotional roller coaster. And Kansas City? From everything I read and hear on the radio, they are a class act. The team, the fan base and the residents of the area. They even turned the fountains at their ballpark "orange" in a salute to the Giants after their heartbreaking loss. *Hat tipped* to you Kansas City Royals.

4. I think my friend needs to break out of her "I'm a jinx" mentality. Although, admittedly, not a huge baseball fan per say, she was rooting for the Giants. I know she was. She threatened at one point to Bandwagon the Royals fans just so the Giants would have a chance, but she didn't. I know she didn't.

5. Oh! I almost forgot about Sunday's golf game! What a gorgeous, beautiful day to be outside. We played at a course in Milpitas that neither of us had been to before. Let's just say there was an interesting array of lakes, sand traps and wild life abound throughout the course. I was rusty, but I had some good drives, a couple of good chips and a couple good puts. Not, however, on any one hole at the same time. *Sigh* There were birds all around the course who just stood there and were not frightened or startled when a ball came near them or a human walks amongst them to set up a shot. On one hole there was a group of birds that casually walked away from us when we both had to take shots from where they were gathered. One of them had a gimp leg and was limping... He reminded me of Jacob. When I got home I told him I saw his "bird twin."

6. Speaking of  the knee surgery patient... He announced yesterday that for Halloween he will be "Madison Bum-knee."

Happy Thursday!


Wednesday, October 29, 2014

What I have learned Wednesday

1. I have learned that I have deep-seeded anger, resentment and shame for the American educational system every time I see someone write the word "loose" or "loosed" when what they really meant, based on the context of their statement, was "lose" or "lost." Deep-seeded people, as in I want to violently strike someone every time I see it. Damn you social media, for bringing this shortcoming to light.

2. I have learned, just this morning actually, that I will accept defeat gracefully tonight if the Giants lose in game 7 of the 2014 World Series. It will be refreshing to lose to a kind-hearted and dedicated (non arrogant) team and fan base for a change. Their fans' reason for why they think they will win? "It's been 29 years, it's our turn." How can you argue with that? Of course, if the Giants do pull this off, all bets are off. I WILL lose (not loose) my mind and it won't be pretty or graceful.

3. I have learned that the word chthonian means of or pertaining to the deities, spirits, and other beings dwelling under the earth. From classic mythology. I just had to add that to my spell check dictionary. That's right, no red line under my words!

4. I have learned that my youngest son's doctor (orthopedic surgeon) likes to knit.

5. I have learned that sometimes the unthinkable and unimaginable can happen and that I can be pretty calm under pressure when it does happen. Of course I become a blubbering mass of jello when the crisis has past... that is just my style. 

6. I have learned that "dog shaming" picture galleries are, aside from being hilarious, uplifting and good for the soul.

Happy Hump Day!


Friday, October 24, 2014

Why Not?

Most Quotable Friday

"You can yell at the heavens, you can pound your fists in the air, you can cry at the most insane, frustrating task you have ever taken on, but you can’t really quit." ~ Stacy's Mothering Moments

"Faced with inevitable change, the choice was mine. I could fight until my spirit was weary, or I could release all resistance and create something new in my changed world." ~ Dean Jackson

"Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart, don't know how to laugh either." ~ Golda Meir 

"Don't sacrifice your peace trying to point out someone's true colors. Lack of character always reveals itself in the end." ~ Mandy Hale

"You'll turn out ordinary if you're not careful." ~ Ann Brashares

"I had no idea that history was being made. I was just tired of giving up." ~ Rosa Parks

"If you hang out with chickens you're going to cluck and if you hang out with eagles, you're going to fly." ~ Dr. Steve Maraboli 

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Thursday Blurbs

1. I wanted to start off with a positive story I heard on the news this morning. They are far and few between, but this one made it through all the negative bullshit that is a our daily news. The story was about a Bald Eagle that was rescued, rehabbed and released back into the wild yesterday by a group called the Wildlife Education Rehabilitation. The eagle was found in Morgan Hill and was originally thought to have been shot. But after further care it was determined that she had somehow impaled herself on a metal fence (ouch). But now she is recovered from her injuries and free out and about in her natural habitat.

2. I just checked the three lottery tickets I had laying around.... I didn't win.

3. I have never been prone to anxiety attacks (unless I am watching one of my teams come from behind late in a game), but since early yesterday morning I have had an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach that won't go away. It woke me up and is actually impacting my breathing. I walked around taking deep breaths for 10 minutes last night and had a couple glasses of wine... but it is back this morning.

4. Alex passed his GED test! He has completed high school. It isn't a cure-all, but it is a win and I need a win, no matter what the size.

5. Oh! Hot flashes... I think I'm starting to get them. Last night and the night before I just started burning up and sweating out of nowhere.  They aren't so bad. Kind of funny actually. When it happened last night my husband was like "are you having another hot flash?" It was only my second one (if that is even what it was) but he made it sound like I get them all the time. I guess I appreciate how he "normalized" them for me. Probably so I wouldn't start freaking out about it. Another reason why I love him.

6. Well, I guess since I am  self proclaimed "sports geek" I guess I should admit that game 2 of the World Series did not go well for the Giants last night. They come back home today for their 3 games at home which start tomorrow. But? I don't know. I'm not going panic, but the Royals look good and they look confident. The last two teams that the Giants have played in the World Series, looked shell shocked after losing game 1. Visibly shaken after losing to an "inferior team" it just got all bad for them after that... but this team? They don't look like that at all. Maybe because the experts have just proclaimed the Royals as "slightly better" than the Giants where in years past there was no question that the Giants had no business even being on the same field with their American League counterparts.

7. See?  I told you I was a geek. That last blurb was supposed to be a one or two liner, and I look what I turned it in to... LOL!

8. The 49ers have a bye this weekend, so my brother has invited me to play golf on Sunday. We have a tee time for early afternoon, but it is supposed to rain all day Saturday. I should ask him if there is a contingency plan. Knowing him, I'm sure he has two.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

What I Have Learned Wednesday

1. I have recently learned that there are a lot of die hard 49er fans in L.A. and throughout Southern California. These same fans are also fans of the Dodgers, Lakers and LA Kings. I am having trouble processing this as I don't quite know how, or what, to feel about it.

2. I have learned more than I ever thought I would need to know about knee injuries, torn ligaments, ligament repair surgery, wheelchair rentals, physical therapy, post surgery care, icing machines, motion machines and whether or not one actually "needs" a meniscus.

3. I learned that there is a name for the "dot" you put on a lower case "j" and "i." It is called a "tittle." - True story.

4. I learned that Bay Area radio stations are "banned" from playing the Lorde song "Royals" during the 2014 World Series between the SF Giants and KC Royals. I don't know how that is possible to actually do or regulate... but I'm assuming it is all in good spirit and that the artist won't suffer any collateral damage.

5. I learned that Super Man wears "Hunter Pence" underwear.

6. I have learned that people who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them.

7. I learned that last night's Game 1 of the World Series was the "lowest rated game 1 in MLB history." We can't all be "Royal" or "Giant." I really don't blame anyone for not being interested. If the Giants weren't in it, I wouldn't be watching either. I don't even know who won last year. Was it the Cardinals?

8. I have learned that you will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason for why we observe Daylight Savings Time.

9. I have learned that once someone believes that they are a jinx, you can never convince them that they are not. *sigh*

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Dear Internet

Dear Internet -

It has been 1 year, 2 months and 3 days since my last post. I wish I had an excuse for neglecting you, but I don't. It has been both an amazing year as well as a painful one. My oldest son got married in July! The wedding was on Maui and the trip was amazing! It was the first family vacation we have had in years and I think a part of me knows it will most likely be our last.That is why I did everything I could to make it happen. No regrets and the memories from those 10 days on the islands will last a lifetime. I took Juan and the boys to the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific and showed them where my grandparents' ashes are kept. We also went to Pearl Harbor and explored the World War II Valor in the Pacific National Monument. We were all deeply impressed. I especially, since they have made it into a great experience and history lesson since I had visited last as a child. Earlier in the year Jacob and I went to a Stanley Cup Playoff Game 7, which we have never done before. Of course, we lost, which sucks balls, but we can now say we went to a Game 7! The four of us went to a Giants game earlier in the season, which was the first time any of us had been to a game at AT&T park and the Giants even won! I went to the inaugural 49ers game at Levi's Stadium, which again was quite an experience even though we lost that game too.

However, all the while...

For years my son Alex has been headed down a bad path. It started when he was about 13 or 14 when he started shoplifting. Since that time he has made choices for himself that did nothing but set himself up for failure. He used alcohol and marijuana regularly, began stealing to pay for these choices and never looked back. He didn't graduate from high school, he spent time in drug counseling, juvenile hall, court ordered drug rehab and now most recently in jail. Real jail. He has been there since August 16th. We have a lawyer who is building the best case for him in order to enter a plea deal, but it is a long process and he has been in a county correctional facility this whole time. He is facing two strikes as he had another charge earlier in the summer that was never filed by the D.A., but because of the second incident (both burglary charges), the D.A. has decided to file charges from the first arrest and pile it on top of this one. He is only 19 years old.

Compounded by this is my youngest son who went through a devastating injury to his left knee while skateboarding about 6 weeks ago. His passion is skateboarding. It is who he is and it is how he defines himself. Unlike his older brother, he chose a positive, life affirming path with unlimited potential. Until now. That day he was at a spot that he and his friends frequent often and he attempted a huge jump off a large set of stairs. His body landed one way and his knee went the other. He tore nearly all his ligaments (ACL, PCL, MCL, LCL) and his meniscus. His orthopedist (who works with professional athletes including professional skaters) said it was the worst skating injury he has ever seen and that he was lucky he didn't lose his leg because of it. He just had his second surgery last week and is recovering nicely, but he will never be the same again. He will be able to walk and have a normal life, but he will never be able to skate (absorb the type of impact) at the level he was able to before the injury.

So, as this is all going on.... you can imagine the bills are piling up and I feel like I am spinning deeper and deeper into debt. I am overwhelmed. I am exhausted. I can't find a happy place in my mind to go to when I have a moment's peace. I am haunted. I am hurt. I am broken.

A part of me has just checked out. That part that doesn't want to deal with the pain but only wants to deny it, ease it, suffocate it. Dealing with the pain means accepting things for what they are, and let's be honest, I've never been great at that. I will do anything to waive off pain, waive off reality until it subsides on its own but is never truly gone.

Writing has always been very cathartic for me, so maybe just getting this all out will give me some peace or at least help me reconcile some of the broken pieces. As usual internet, you have been great. Thank you for this forum and for the opportunity to come back and write again.