Tuesday, August 20, 2013

So Easy

It would be so easy to open up that bottle of wine hidden out of sight in the cupboard. It would be so easy. My son left a bag of  Lays potato chips sitting on the couch. It would be so easy to sit down, start eating them and pass the night away oblivious to my troubles. 
It would be so easy to quit. It is so hard to find the strength every day to make the right choice. Every night there is a critical moment where it could go either way. Every day there is a reason to go back into the darkness. Every day there is a trigger, a trap set up by my subconscious.  But I know the dark feelings will pass if I just hold on long enough. 
Some days go by and I feel on top of the world. I feel strong, confident and proud. But I know these positive feelings won't last forever either, so I do my best to ride them out without getting to high on myself. 
It would be so easy  to surrender. I know because I've done it. I've gone to that place where I don't have to feel or care what is going on around me. It's just a step away.  It would be so easy. 
Just not today. No, not today. Today I will live the hard way. I will see what is front of me and I will face it the way it was meant to be faced. It would be so easy to give up and give in... but today I choose to take another step forward. And that? Is never easy.