You have a list? For me?

Hubby called yesterday as he was leaving the house to drop off the kids at my office. This is sort of our almost daily routine. His work hours are from 6am to 2:30pm, and mine are from whenever I get to the office until 5ish (or whenever the boss isn’t paying attention). I take the kids to school in the morning and he picks them up in the afternoon. Between his small business and bartending part-time he is usually on-the-go most evenings. It is very convenient and a good compromise for him to bring the kids to my office, from where I can take them home or to one (or both) of their soccer practices.

But Tuesday? That is usually my day off. On Tuesdays Hubby will drop off only Buzz, take Woody to practice and pick him up afterwards. This allows me to go home, clean, make dinner, check homework and hopefully get Buzz in the shower before Hubby and Woody get home. Did I say day off? Well, more like my “catch up on household chores day.” If things don’t get done, they get put off until Tuesday.

So, hubby calls and asks if I can bring Woody to his practice (for reason xyz) then he’d pick him up. I’m thinking, that puts me behind schedule by 30 minutes, but fine, we do what we have to do, right? Then he says, “Four things.”
I’m thinking, 4 things? That sounds like a list. I asked him if I need to be writing this down.
“No,” he says. “Number 1.”
Number 1? "This sounds like a list, are you giving me a list?"
“No,” he insisted.
Okay.
“Number 1 (why does this sound like a list?) Can you water the new plants?”
Okay, that sounded simple enough. I can do that when I first get home before I start cleaning the bathrooms.
“Number 2 (there he goes again), “Can you stop somewhere and buy me some (hair) gel?"
Now, I’m irritated. Why? Because I already told him (when he told me he was out after I got back from grocery shopping on Saturday) that he could use Woody’s gel until I went to the store again. To which, btw, he agreed.
“Number 3,” (without waiting for a reply to number 2) “Can you have the letter ready for me that I asked you to write?”
WTF? The letter? (The letter that he said “we’d talk about later,” every time I asked him what he wanted it to say) UGGGGHHHHH!
“I haven’t written it yet.” I told him. “Oh”, he says. “Why not?”
“Because,” I said a little too calmly. “I didn’t know what you wanted it to say.”
This went back and forth for a minute until he lost his train of thought and forgot what #4 (on his list that wasn’t a list) was going to be.

Hubby and I have been married for nearly 14 years. He should know by now when not to mess with me, er, talk to me, er request anything of me that might sound reasonable to him, but might not be to, ugh, me. I leave hints for him to recognize when these moments may be on the horizon, but he doesn’t always pick up on them. For example, I’ll leave my box of tampons on the bathroom counter. Or, I’ll comment on how I have to order a new prescription of bc pills, “ahem, these are gone, which means I’m going to start soon...” Or, I'll ask him if he has seen my Motrin. You know my Motrin, for you know, that time.
Now? I’m thinking of just sending him monthly e-mails.

Dear Honey-
Your wife is getting her period next week. Avoid talking to her if at all possible. Bring chocolate if you like, but don’t expect her to show any gratitude (I’m pretty sure she’ll eat it though). Don’t ask her what’s for dinner, don’t ask her to iron your shirt and don’t, what ever you do, do not give her a list, even a verbal, over the phone, this-isn’t-a-list, list. You’ve been properly warned.
Love,
Your Wife ( the list giver, not the list getter)