That was truly bizarre. Surely the other bloggers on this site cannot be this, this, um, stupid? narrow minded? sheltered? racist? elitist? If only I was wrong... If only I was wrong. I should have stopped myself there, deleted the page from my bookmarks and gone on with my normal blog reading, unscathed. But, like passing by a horrific car wreck on the freeway, I just had to keep looking. This is from the very next post (posted by a different person):
I have been one of those privileged stay at home moms with a full time nanny that so many moms love to hate (yeah, like if you're a bitch about it. Not for the fact that you have a nanny)...
I have relied on my nanny for four years. I never had any reason to doubt her, as she helped me to care for my four children. After what happened this weekend, I question my parenting, and the role of nannies in general. My life is upside down... Hmm, I wonder what happened to have her doubt her nanny of four years?
I went away as I often have (how often?)
for a long weekend to NYC with my husband (keep in mind they are from California).
My nanny was watching my children, and had planned to take them on a weekend trip with her family. I am not an easy going Mom. I left my travel folder, spreadsheets of camp information, and repeated my concerns about her planned weekend getaway. Oh, groan. Are you serious?
I was reassured by nanny dearest, and even mocked for how often I asked her where they would stay, who would be there, etc. etc. etc. I left for NYC. So, she's establishing the extent of her parental concern and precautionary efforts for the weekend trips that she often takes, without her children, cross country.
On Friday, I called to check on my kids. To my surprise they were heading off to a hotel with nanny dearest in Bodega Bay. I asked why, insisted that I was not comfortable with the plan, and instructed her to call me when they checked in to the supposed hotel room. Not comfortable?
Bitch The woman takes your kids on an unscheduled trip and you're
uncomfortable?
Friday night passes. No call. I call. No response. I have nightmares all night. You can't reach your kids and you can still sleep?
Saturday. No calls. I am a wreck. You are a wreck? Why aren't you a wreck on a plane?
Where are my kids? Exactly!
What has happened to them? There you go. You could not convince me they weren't dead in a ditch somewhere if it were me in that situation.
Bitch Woman, get on a plane.
I imagine the worst, and can not get into contact with the nanny. Yeah, we've been over that. Get on a plane.
We finally receive a quick call Saturday night from my eldest. We are at a noisy dinner in the city, so my husband took the call. What? I thought we were bonding here. You went out to dinner?
Not knowing where your kids were? And you didn't talk to them because, excuse fucking me, it was too
noisy at the restaurant?
I was relieved for the moment. God I wish I was there to kick your ass!
Now it is Sunday. I once again try to contact the kids. Guess what? No response. I panic again, but hear nothing. Yeah, not feeling sorry for you any more.
My husband tells me to calm down. Don't care much for asshole husband at the moment either.
My mothering instinct once again tells me something is not right. Your what? No, mothering instinct is what the rest of us have. What you have is a having-kids-is-really-hampering-on-my-good-times instinct. I hope you don't get a migraine from all the "worrying."
Monday morning (you are still not home to see your kids off to camp?)
I get a call from my 8 year old about camp. He hangs up quick, not his normal chatty self. I call back and insist on talking to my 11 year old. He says. "something bad happened, but [nanny] says that I can not tell you." OMG, my stomach drops. (OMG, your mothering instincts again?)
I tell him to go to a private place and tell me. They slept in the mini van roadside -- there was no hotel. She drove up with my kids, her granddaughter and ended up sleeping in the car. (Are you mad because of the dangers of sleeping roadside in a mini van or mad because it wasn't a 5 star hotel? I really can't tell at this point.)
That was just that start to a weekend of bad, irresponsible decisions made by my nanny(and you... and asshole husband...);
the worst being that she told my kids to lie to me. Ugh. It gets worse...but sparing you further details (oh, thanks for that, don't know how much more I could take),
I'm sure that you can see my dilemma. Yes, you pay someone to be your kids' mom and then get mad when she fucks up.
My husband and I spoke with nanny dearest last night (asshole husband? oh brother).
She insists the kids were always safe and had fun. (It does sound kind of fun, but okay I agree, not her decision to make)
That's hardly the point, even if it was an absurd proposition. I think she was an idiot and did things that I would never fathom doing. Friends and family say fire her. My brain agrees, but my heart can't seem to do it. Beckett, my four year old loves her. I am so conflicted. Yes, sadly, you would be. I
have also come to the realization of how much I have let her do and of what a major role she has played in our family. I have also been missing out on a great many things. Hmmm...
Granted, the laundry and cleaning is not a big loss. It is spending time with my kids that I have been paying someone else to do. Didn't I just say that?
I have been paying another woman to bond with my kids, share in their special moments. How many simple pleasures have I missed? I'm sure a lot
(No, laundry is not a simple pleasure.) This has been a wake up call. Really?
No matter how great we think our nannies are, they are not us. They may not share the same values and morals. (hee, hee. no comment)
This became apparent to me this weekend, after four years of blind trust. She does not understand my anger. I feel betrayed and let down (how must your dear little ones feel?).
(Not to mention scared of managing my life on my own -- four kids in four schools next year requires a nanny or at least a driver.) OMG, what will you ever do?
Bitch Lady, please get off you ass and deal with your kids, drive them to school, do something!
This is painful and confusing for me on so many levels. Nanny dearest has filled the void that my mothers death left. Nanny dearest helps me to make decisions about my kids (WTF?),
my home, my life. She sounds like she has more power than you. Does she make decisions for asshole husband too?
Has nanny dearest been this deceitful for four years? I am sick to my stomach. What do I tell the kids? How about, "Mommy will be here to spend time with you!"
How do I explain this one? Nanny thought I should raise my own kids, and I agreed!
I have just had her take the week off, unpaid (Oh, that will teach her!)
until we decide what to do. Sometimes decisions are really tough; this one sure is to me. It is hard to accept the significant role another woman has played in the life of your kids. She has been here every day for four years. What do I say when she no longer walks through our door? I might have some good advice for you... but at this point I am just, speechless.
Continued below...
