Wednesday, July 05, 2006

To Mock Or Not To Mock?

What to do, what to do...
note: I held off for nearly a week before publishing this post. When I first wrote it I was pretty pissed off. Then being pissed turned in to disgust. Disgust turned scorn and scorn turned into, well it just kept going from one pissed off emotion to another and at no time did it quell into anything else more calm. I thought, should I really be publicly mocking someone else's blog? Am I so much above it all that I think I have the right to make fun of someone else's writing? The answers, of course, are no and no. But? It really isn't the blog itself or even the writing that got under my skin. It was the mindset of the person(s) doing the writing that set me off. If you don't want to partake in "the mocking of others"....you have been properly warned. Please don't read any further!
I stumbled across this certain "moms' (as in plural)" blog a week ago. I'll keep the name private (for now anyway). I saw the name of it while reading comments from another mom blog (which is wonderful, one of my favorites and definitely not mock-worthy). The name of the blog caught my eye because the moms were from the area where I live. I thought, "how cool! my sisters who represent!" I couldn't wait to click over!
I followed the link, and get this, bookmarked the sight before I even read it! I just knew people! I knew I was going to love this blog. I excitedly began to skim through the posts. In the side bar I counted 11 contributing mom bloggers. I wondered, to myself, if I knew anyone on the list! Wouldn't that be weird? The first entry was about a family vacation to Egypt. It sounded pretty interesting, but also intimidating becaue I've never experienced such an upscale vacation as Egypt and I didn't think my family's Disney vacation was quite up to par with this woman and her family. But? I plodded on. My sisters, my local blogging community. Bring it on!
The next post was centered around the story of a nanny leaving an 18-month boy alone on the playground while she took the older child to the bathroom. I thought, well that's a slam-dunk, of course the nanny was neglectful. You can't leave a fucking 18-month old, alone in the park for any period of time, not to mention the time it must have taken to tend to another child in the bathroom... out of fucking site! So I anxiously read on, sure that the author was going to agree with me and anticipating how snarky her critique would be of the nanny's neglectful behavior. Here is what I got instead. Her writing (in red) is cut and pasted directly from the blog post, any emphasis (bold) is mine. My comments are in black:
I am troubled by a recent discussion on my mothers’ club email list about what to do if you see a caregiver neglecting a child. The thread started when a mom noticed an 18-month boy left alone at a local park. Some time later, the nanny appeared out of the rest room with a second child, who might have been her daughter. When the mom mentioned that she should not leave the boy alone, the nanny snapped at her. Damn! Can't wait so see how she reams the nanny!
Now I’ve tried multiple variations of childcare over the last eight years – nannies, au pairs, teenagers, even friends of nannies in an emergency – and I’ve left them alone with my kids while I was out having a career. Hmm, that seems a little cavalier, but still having an open mind... I’m glad to know that other moms are keeping an eye out. Yeah, me too, that mom who confronted the nanny rocked! Yet I’m concerned that we’re racing to judgment in situations where we don’t know the whole story. What? well, maybe she's got a point, hope she backs it up though. For instance, in the nanny-in-the-bathroom situation, I can think of a story (as in not based on any facts) where the little girl was standing at the bench doing the “potty wiggle” and crying because she had to go, and she had only just started wearing big girl panties. When the nanny tried to drag both children into the rest room, the little boy started throwing one of those 18-month-old tantrums, yelling “No!” and running away. Maybe in desperation she decided to take the girl to the restroom and say a little prayer that the boy would be OK at a nice safe park in our upscale suburb – I think that’s what I would have done. WHAT. THE. HOLY. FUCK? I must have read that wrong. Let me re-read that last part...nope, safe park, upscale suburb. I think that's what I would have done? OMG. Because child molesters only hang out and accidents only happen at non-upscale parks? And maybe the nanny’s boyfriend (and father of the little girl?) had gotten caught without a green card and was getting deported, and she hadn’t slept much last night, and maybe her English wasn’t great and she interpreted the mom’s words as another rich spoiled gringa condescending to her and that’s why she snapped… Jaw dropped, mouth open. can't. find. the. words. That is the most racist fucking thing I've ever heard, and she's trying to be sympathetic toward the nanny! In sticking up for the nanny, who by the way? left an 18-month old alone in the park, she assumes the nanny is a) an unwed mother b) who doesn't speak good English and (c) whose boyfriend is in this country illegally. Why would you assume that? why would you think that? and, why would that (as racist as it is in the first place) serve as any kind of excuse for her behavior? Please, my dear blogging mother, do not ever rush to my defense. Ever.

Continued below...

21 comments:

Valerie said...

oh girl you have got to email the blog addy of that mess. What screwed up parenting oh wait there was no parenting going on. W@hat idiots!

Babaloo said...

Valerie-
Check your e-mail! Enjoy.

marsha_tm said...

For real? Too sad. I do think you should email them the whole thing, with your comments. Please, please can I have the link?

Nicole said...

OMG!!! I want to applaud you for saying the right thing! I'm all about being supportive to our fellow blogging mommies, but we need some reality testing here.

Wendy said...

Oh jeez...Did that person have kids purely as a status symbol or some sort of house decor?

Babaloo said...

Marsha-
Check your e-mail for the link...

Thanks Nicole. The mom w/ the nanny crisis wrote a follow up about how her family is "healing." Followed by some "heated" comments. Let me know if you want the link.

If anyone else wants the link, please let me know! I'm all about sharing!

Babaloo said...

Hey Wendy-
I must have missed you there. Umm, yes, that was the same feeling I got too! Take care, thanks for visiting!

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Good for you I am proud.

DebbieDoesLife said...

Why is this mother so eager to let the nanny off the hook?? There is NO good reason to have left an 18 month old alone on a playground.

If she was a good nanny she would have brought an extra pair of undies if the other child was potty training. NO EXCUSE.

Babaloo said...

sw/fm- thank you! that means a lot.

Debbie- exactly, thus the rant! I really did want to throw something.

Jennifer said...

Absolutely unbelievable. I wish I could be more articulate, but holy fucking shit for brains.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Babaloo said...

jennifer-
you sound pretty articulate to me and I couldn't agree more!

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

True true anytime.

Jen said...

OH girl I'm in!! Lets mock the hell out of that blog..and others filled with "mommy" stories that are so touching!! Good lord. I dont live in CA nor do I have a nanny or the money for a nanny..but honestly, even if I did, I couldn't do it. No way no how. Seriously..email me and we can get that blog going!

Babaloo said...

Jen-
I love the enthusiasm! I can't find your e-mail on your blog or blogger profile... send me an e-mail if you really want the link.

Mommy off the Record said...

I'd love to see the link too. That was some craziness. I'm curious to see the site now.

Btw, I'm from Nothern CA. Wish you coulda made it to BlogHer. You sound very nice and very SANE, unlike these ladies...

Babaloo said...

M.O.T.R - What a nice compliment! Thank you. I sent you the link, please check your e-mail!

Jodi said...

Goodness. Send me the link too. THose women sound DREADFUL. Totally dreadful. I like in Northern Cali and we sure as hell have school buses here. GOod Lawd.

Babaloo said...

Jodi-
Yeah, I see school busses everday too, hmm. Maybe they are headed to southern california or across one of the state lines? I dunno. I sent you the url... check your e-mail.

Jen- I got your e-mail and sent you the url too!

Bonnie B said...

Her blog speaks to why she needs a nanny. She obviously lacks a few common sense parenting skills-- hopefully she'll pick a better nanny next time (if she decides to ultimately fire this one0 who knows how to do the job.

I, of course, can't judge in the nanny department. the last one I hired was surfing porn on my computer.

Babaloo said...

Bonnie-
I agree about the common sense (or lack of), but the difference between you and her is that you hired someone to babysit your kids, not raise them. And, when you found out about the porn situation you weren't "conflicted" over whether or not to let him go. Over how to do it, maybe, but not whether or not you had to do it.

Anyway, thanks everyone for commenting on this. I think I've gotten a lot of negative energy out that had been harboring there for a while!