note: I held off for nearly a week before publishing this post. When I first wrote it I was pretty pissed off. Then being pissed turned in to disgust. Disgust turned scorn and scorn turned into, well it just kept going from one pissed off emotion to another and at no time did it quell into anything else more calm. I thought, should I really be publicly mocking someone else's blog? Am I so much above it all that I think I have the right to make fun of someone else's writing? The answers, of course, are no and no. But? It really isn't the blog itself or even the writing that got under my skin. It was the mindset of the person(s) doing the writing that set me off. If you don't want to partake in "the mocking of others"....you have been properly warned. Please don't read any further!
I stumbled across this certain "moms' (as in plural)" blog a week ago. I'll keep the name private (for now anyway). I saw the name of it while reading comments from another mom blog (which is wonderful, one of my favorites and definitely not mock-worthy). The name of the blog caught my eye because the moms were from the area where I live. I thought, "how cool! my sisters who represent!" I couldn't wait to click over!
I followed the link, and get this, bookmarked the sight before I even read it! I just knew people! I knew I was going to love this blog. I excitedly began to skim through the posts. In the side bar I counted 11 contributing mom bloggers. I wondered, to myself, if I knew anyone on the list! Wouldn't that be weird? The first entry was about a family vacation to Egypt. It sounded pretty interesting, but also intimidating becaue I've never experienced such an upscale vacation as Egypt and I didn't think my family's Disney vacation was quite up to par with this woman and her family. But? I plodded on. My sisters, my local blogging community. Bring it on!
The next post was centered around the story of a nanny leaving an 18-month boy alone on the playground while she took the older child to the bathroom. I thought, well that's a slam-dunk, of course the nanny was neglectful. You can't leave a fucking 18-month old, alone in the park for any period of time, not to mention the time it must have taken to tend to another child in the bathroom... out of fucking site! So I anxiously read on, sure that the author was going to agree with me and anticipating how snarky her critique would be of the nanny's neglectful behavior. Here is what I got instead. Her writing (in red) is cut and pasted directly from the blog post, any emphasis (bold) is mine. My comments are in black:
I am troubled by a recent discussion on my mothers’ club email list about what to do if you see a caregiver neglecting a child. The thread started when a mom noticed an 18-month boy left alone at a local park. Some time later, the nanny appeared out of the rest room with a second child, who might have been her daughter. When the mom mentioned that she should not leave the boy alone, the nanny snapped at her. Damn! Can't wait so see how she reams the nanny!
Now I’ve tried multiple variations of childcare over the last eight years – nannies, au pairs, teenagers, even friends of nannies in an emergency – and I’ve left them alone with my kids while I was out having a career. Hmm, that seems a little cavalier, but still having an open mind... I’m glad to know that other moms are keeping an eye out. Yeah, me too, that mom who confronted the nanny rocked! Yet I’m concerned that we’re racing to judgment in situations where we don’t know the whole story. What? well, maybe she's got a point, hope she backs it up though. For instance, in the nanny-in-the-bathroom situation, I can think of a story (as in not based on any facts) where the little girl was standing at the bench doing the “potty wiggle” and crying because she had to go, and she had only just started wearing big girl panties. When the nanny tried to drag both children into the rest room, the little boy started throwing one of those 18-month-old tantrums, yelling “No!” and running away. Maybe in desperation she decided to take the girl to the restroom and say a little prayer that the boy would be OK at a nice safe park in our upscale suburb – I think that’s what I would have done. WHAT. THE. HOLY. FUCK? I must have read that wrong. Let me re-read that last part...nope, safe park, upscale suburb. I think that's what I would have done? OMG. Because child molesters only hang out and accidents only happen at non-upscale parks? And maybe the nanny’s boyfriend (and father of the little girl?) had gotten caught without a green card and was getting deported, and she hadn’t slept much last night, and maybe her English wasn’t great and she interpreted the mom’s words as another rich spoiled gringa condescending to her and that’s why she snapped… Jaw dropped, mouth open. can't. find. the. words. That is the most racist fucking thing I've ever heard, and she's trying to be sympathetic toward the nanny! In sticking up for the nanny, who by the way? left an 18-month old alone in the park, she assumes the nanny is a) an unwed mother b) who doesn't speak good English and (c) whose boyfriend is in this country illegally. Why would you assume that? why would you think that? and, why would that (as racist as it is in the first place) serve as any kind of excuse for her behavior? Please, my dear blogging mother, do not ever rush to my defense. Ever.