Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
“If you want an interesting life… Become interested.”
“Even when the rest have given up, there’s always that one person that rises to the top. Be that ONE.”
“Never underestimate a woman’s ability to find things out.”
“You can’t spell awesome without me.”
“The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our decisions, not upon our circumstances.”
“I’ve been disappointed so many times, not giving a fu** is almost a reflex.”
“Today you are you, that is truer than true, there’s no one alive who is youer than you.” – Dr. Seuss
I wish my car horn yelled “WHAT THE F@#& ARE YOU DOING?”
“I’ve learned that it isn’t always good enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes you must learn to forgive yourself.”
“I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.”
“Just because something isn’t happening for you right now, doesn’t mean that it will never happen.”
Thursday, April 28, 2011
2) It feels like the stage is setting for a perfect storm in the Castillo family. The helpless, gnawing feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach confirms it. God save us all.
3) The second round playoff schedule has been set. I think it starts tonight with Vancouver vs. Nashville. Vancouver won their game 7 against Chicago in overtime. So much drama in the first round. The other match-ups will be Tampa Bay vs. Capitals (starts Friday) and Philadelphia vs. Boston (starts Saturday). Oh! And of course the Sharks vs. Detroit. That starts tomorrow as well. I Don't have a good feeling about this series. And that isn't the usual "doom and gloom but then everything is okay" feeling. No, this is more like the feeling when we got swept by Chicago last year. *sigh*
4) It has been two weeks since the interview and still no word from SVSE. I think it is time to move on from this one. Doesn't look like anything is going to happen there. Ugh. I have to find another job. I have to. See yesterday's post for a deeper more profound explanation.
5) I'm still holding strong with the vegan diet. However, I need to focus on more exercising and less drinking. It is going to be tough, because Lord knows I need to throw one (or two) back when I get home. Sad, but also true. Facing the truth will set me free. Here is to hoping anyway.
6) Well. My heart is breaking today. I've looked within. I've looked outward. I just don't understand. My thought process thus far is that he will have to attend continuation school. Get his HS Diploma and then consider enlisting in the armed forces. He has closed every available door to him in his young life with his choices. I want to cry for him, and I know I will eventually. But right now the tears are stuck somewhere unreachable and I am left only with the slow, dull ache that is my heart suffering in its quiet and lonely pain.
7) Juan and I were talking about going hiking this weekend. I really hope we make that happen. I need some quiet time with my husband. He is the only one who can understand what I am feeling right now. I think the solidarity between him and I would do us both some good right now.
8) Royal Wedding is tomorrow. Well, actually Saturday at 2:00 am! Maybe I'll stay up to watch it. I need some distractions right about now. Also? I still remember the last one.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Every day I can stand you less and less. Each day I seethe more and more. Every day I respect you less and less. You are the reason, you are the why.... I need to find another job.
Yes, it's true you gave me a job last summer after not being employed for almost two years. For that I am grateful. But? The low pay, that I agreed to, has taken its toll. I can't stand when you come in to the office. Your micro-managing, manipulative, greedy style is to much to bear. I can't stand your whiny, baby-like voice when you are happy about something and are trying to get the whole department happy about it too. We don't honestly care whether or not you got a big check in the mail, over the wire or directly deposited into the bank. We don't see any of that money... so why should we give a crap about it?
I hate how you think everyone is out to get the company, out to cheat you or out to steal from you. And that is just the attitude about the employees! Each employee is thought of as a gypsy and each one of them is out to get you. Do you know what that paranoia gets you? A hostile work environment. You make your salaried employees use a timekeeping system where they have to clock in and out each day. Really? Do you know how ridiculous that is? Some of them put in 10-12 hour days. Oh, but when they leave early one day or come in late one day? "Personal time, No PAY for them." Seriously? They put in a 50 hour work week (only get paid for 40) and then deduct hours from their pay for missing an hour? Here is the thing. A salaried employee gets his/her salary whether they worked over their scheduled hours or under. Simple. You don't pay for vacation time, sick time is 5 days per year? You've GOT to be kidding me. You have no competitive benefit package to work here. Some of your employees deserve much more. I fantasize about moving to another company or starting my own company just so I could take all your worthy employees away and pay them double what you are "paying" them. They could have medical and dental, 401K, life insurance, vacation (PTO). You know, the normal benefits that one expects when working in this valley.
Oh, and I love how everyone that isn't related to the family... gets such a low salary, irreverent of their education or experience. It is disgusting really. You will continue to have high turnover (which ends up costing you revenue in the long run) and low quality candidates walking in your door. But keep it up, because after all, doesn't it make the bottom line look better? Speaking of which. The way you handled your independent audit was quite frankly, an embarrassment. I was so ashamed to be associated with you and this company when that audit team was here. What makes you so ABOVE them? Is it because you are 3 times their age? Is it because they are Asian? They have a job to do and it isn't up to you to tell them what they need, don't need or how fast they should get things done. And, what was up with banning the rest of the employees from coming into our work area? Do you really think someone was going to randomly see something sitting out on a desk and magically know all the company secrets? That was so... well, wrong, for lack of a better word. And? I really RESENTED it when you told me EVERY MORNING to send out a spark reminding all employees to not come into the accounting area. Talk about HUMILIATING.
Your vitriol toward the franchisees is even worse and even more blatantly obvious. They are your best friends when they have a check in their hands... but the minute the money is gone or late they are Liars, Bad Franchisees or Someone that you have to Fight with, Yell at or Threaten to not send THEIR COMMISSION CHECK. Really? Can you do that? Is that even legal? Not that you care or know the difference. They bought a business from you. They are entitled to get their moneys worth... which includes all services promised in training. You should try and remember that.
Your business practices are questionable, your accounting methods are laughable and your management style is reprehensible. Your mantra is that something is only wrong if it was a mistake made by someone else. Because you NEVER make mistakes. Jeff NEVER make mistakes and Dana NEVER makes mistakes. If something is wrong it has to be one of your lowly employees. I love it when you do make a mistake though, it totally makes my day to see you try to stutter and sweat your way around it. But we both know the truth... don't we? Bitch.
The worse thing. The absolute worse thing is how you handled that perceived "attitude toward our raises" issue a few months back. First of all, paying someone $17 and hour who has had over 10 years experience in the field and often trains you on your own accounting software, is, well Bullshit. So please, please, for the love of God don't tell that person that you are "satisfied" with where there salary is at and then proceed to look at them as if they should not only agree, but be grateful as well. I almost lost it that day. I just about walked out. So when a few days later a meeting is called to discuss the attitude surrounding our raises? I seriously contemplated homicide. You were such a chicken shit whore that you have to go to your son to handle your business? Really? That was the day I lost all respect for you.
This company is the shining example of hypocrisy. You don't have the budget. That's one of your catch phrases, right? Yet you all have the top of the line computers and equipment at your beck and call. Your money is spent on executive salaries, marketing bullshit and state of the art (for executives only) office equipment. You pay your fucking bitch-ass niece, who can't even spell or edit the company newsletter how much? Yeah, we saw her salary. She makes $10 more and hour than the rest of us. Yet? She never shows up, when she does, she parades around the place like she owns it, looks down her nose at anyone that dares to get in her "space" and takes up office space that should deservedly go to one of your veteran sales people.
Well, I've been typing long enough... I'm sure there is a lot more to say, but I will just leave it at that. I can't stand you, I wish I didn't have to see you every day and you are a Bitch - Whore. I am trying every day to get out of here. I can just taste the day when I get to tell you off.
A very disgruntled employee
PS - Do Not Even Think About Condescending To Me. Ever. Ever Again.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I just got tickets to the computer museum in Mountain View! Win!
Planning a team fire drill for everyone at the hotel tonight.
Just tried out my new swim trunks in the shower! They’re lookin’ pretty good!
Do they make argyle pants?
Went on an Easter Egg hunt in the back yard today. Found more eggs than both of my kids combined!
Wow this pre-game skate music is loud.
OMG! Diet Dr. Pepper really does taste like Original Dr. Pepper!
Why hasn’t anyone RSVP’d my Royal Wedding Viewing party… omelet bar!
Why do they call it the Jumbo tron? I like the Patty Tron.
I lost my tape measure… now I don’t know if my carry on is too big!
Goals are great, but I prefer assists. Mom always said I was a great helper.
When the fans do the wave… I just… I just wish I could jump right in the stands and join them.
Night out with the boys!! Who’s got the O’Doul’s?
Does anyone know here I can buy a hockey stick in the Bay Area? It’s kind of important.
Never mind, I guess the Sharks will buy me sticks if I ask. NOW they tell me.
Getting pumped up for Game 5! Listening to the Fray on my iPhone while doing pilates!
Just took an elevator ride and jumped while it was moving. It was crazy!
I told everybody on the team that my wife baked cookies for them after the game… but it was really me.
Who else wants to camp out to get good Glee Live tickets?
Almost time for shorts weather! Anyone else psyched?
Going to try to get the guys to call him Jonathan Slow! HAHA! BURN!
No Lady Byng nomination again this year. Damn. I’m going to go kick a stuffed animal.
My “Marleau 12” t-shirt shrunk in the wash. FML.
Hey I know of this sweet LaserTag tournament after the season is over. You guys want in?
Worst part of playing in LA was that we didn’t have time to to to Legoland.
Inn & Out guy tjust told me about some food not on the menu… sorry can’t share. It’s a secret.
I’m going camping tonight. Setting up the tent in the back yard now!
Just brushed my teeth with a new toothpaste!
Heading to Starbucks to get a Trenti Iced Passion Tea Latte
Stocking up on cashmere turtlenecks at JCrew
Can I wear socks with these sandals?
Aghh! My playoff beard is in the itchy stage.
Hey Seto, sending this DM to see if you can bring my copy of National Treasure 2 to the rink. Thanks Buddy!
Turds! Double Turds!
Nobody liked Slappy at the Christmas party but then Jumbo makes a commercial with him and all of a sudden it’s hilarious?
Should I take a walk on the wild side and add dried fruit to my oatmeal?
I’ll be on “Dancing With The Stars” next week. Second row, gray t-shirt, look for me!
Waiting in line at the mall to see the Easter Bunny, I bet my kids will be so jealous!
The bumpers on this bowling lane are broken L At least I got to wear the shoes.
My friend Joe scored a goal last night. Fun!
Joe Thornton reads Playboy for the articles.
What is this “Jumbo Slide?”
Coach Murray wouldn’t shake hands… So I high-fived myself instead.
Joe Thornton wins it in overtime! Be still my beating heart. Amazing game, amazing up and down series and it is so fitting that Jumbo gets the game winner. Watch his goal and sliding celebration here.
So, now we wait. Round 2 will start later in the week against either Detroit, who swept their series with Phoenix and has been off for the last week or Chicago, if they win their game 7 tonight in Vancouver after being down in the series 0-3.
Oh, and? I could go for a 13 game winning streak right about now.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Alex's first prom! He went to his prom on Saturday with a friend of his, who is a senior, that invited him to be her date. He looked so nice in his gold tuxedo!
Also, Jacob and I (yes, while Alex was at the prom) went to game 5. I was definitely anticipating a series ending handshake on the ice. I have never witnessed one (live) before. I had my camera ready and everything for the epic event.
It never happened. They lost 3-1 and are now in L.A. for Game 6 tonight.
Sharks had 52 shots on goal. Niemi gave up 3 goals on 4 shots... in the first ten minutes of the game. There would be no comeback. There would be no overtime win. There would be no handshake on the ice. I think the Sharks do better when I am "doom and gloom." When I really start to "believe," they play like they've already won and don't even have to try.
Not sure if it counts as a consolation or not, but Ducks lost their series in game 6 to the Predators. It is the first time Nashville has advanced out of the first round. And? Chicago has come back from a 3-0 game deficit against Vancouver, to force a game 7. Unbelievable!
Also, from the Eastern Conference Buffalo and Philadelphia are going to a game 7 as well. Tampa Bay and Pittsburgh are at game 6 with Penguins leading 3-2. Montreal and Boston also playing in game 6 with Boston leading that series 3-2. This first round has had a lot of OT games and several comebacks with deficits of 3 or more goals. Fun!
We have to win tonight. Go Sharks!
Friday, April 22, 2011
More quotes from my Twitter feed:
"I can only please one person per day. Today isn’t your day… and tomorrow doesn’t look good either."
"I’m reading a book on Anti-Gravity, I just wish I could put it down."
"I had social networking when I was a kid too. I think back then it was called “outside.”
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two…"
"Dear Exercise – They like me more. Sincerely, The Couch"
"Giving up doesn’t necessarily mean you are weak. Sometimes it means you’re strong enough to let it go."
"Nothing lasts forever, not even your problems."
"Fact: Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy marshmallows, which is pretty much the same thing."
"I hate it when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the script."
"You can’t keep running away from what you’re trying to find."
Thursday, April 21, 2011
2) Jacob had his last hockey game of the season last night. They lost 2-1, but he scored a goal and they almost (so close) came back to tie it in the last 2 minutes. He wants to try out for the travel (Jr. Sharks) team this summer, but he has a lot of work to do. I have encouraged him to start a fitness/conditioning program to help him with his strength and endurance. It is hard to get him to understand the concept. He thinks it is just enough to practice his hockey skills (shooting, stick handling, etc.). I'm trying to get him to understand he needs to do things away from the ice to help him improve as well. Especially since ice-time is expensive and not conducive to our work schedule. I wish I could afford to send him to a skills camp this summer. *sigh*
3) I haven't heard anything about the job with SVSE yet. I'm trying not to think about it or get discouraged, but it gets harder with each day that passes. As of Saturday they hadn't filled the positions... but it is Thursday now and maybe by now they have. Terri (accounting manager I interviewed with) said she would contact me either way... so I am half-way expecting a rejection e-mail any day.
4) Sharks play game 4 in L.A. tonight. Hope they bring it. Really bring it. From beginning to end. Can't worry about it... out of my hands. I have to sit, wait and hope for the best. I believe. I believe. Thank you again Julie B!
5) The (Dallas Cup) Tigres (sin Alex) have advanced out of their bracket into the Quarter Finals to be played tomorrow. Not sure if I should be happy for them or not. I guess I am. Sporting did not advance. Sorry for Edgardo. Maybe he should have come to Tigres.
6) I really blew it last night with the diet. Not only did I have wine at Stanley's before Jacob's game, but also curly fries... which technically are vegan, but also fattening and should be avoided. But then, at home... ugh... I ate garlic bread. Three pieces. And that was my dinner. I feel like complete crap this morning. I have plans to go to the gym tonight. Redemption! Don't get to down and don't get to high, right? Correct my mistakes, not let them dictate who I am and what I can accomplish. Get back on the horse. Focus on the finish line.
7) American Idol - have to get this in today. Wasn't thrilled with Scotty's or Lauren's performances last night. Not sure if it will affect the voting, but they weren't as sharp as they normally are. I thought Casey, James and Haley (yes Haley) rocked the show. I really thought Haley was good. For the first time it was if she wasn't "kareoke-ing" it. She owned that song. It was cool. Jacob was alright. I love the song he sang (Luther's "Dance with my Father"). He got choked up at the beginning but was able to recover and pull it off. Stephano? Well, I think he is getting better. He did a good job.. and probably gets a lot votes based on his good looks. He might stick around a little while longer. Results tonight!
8) For karma sake and to show good will, gratitude and grace... Go Lakers!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Um? Words to describe that game last night will always fall short of actually experiencing it. The Sharks were down. Completely down and out. At one point they were losing 3-0 at the end of the first period. Jacob asked me if he should turn it off. "Yeah," I told him. "I'm not sure I can watch anymore of this right now." He turned it back, of course, we can never look away from a nasty accident on the freeway (AKA a Sharks game when they are down by multiple goals) for to long. I mean, it couldn't get worse could it? I need to not ask that question if I am not truly ready for the answer. Because? Yes, it can get worse. 2-3 minutes into the second period, the Kings scored again and made it 4-0.
Around this time I pulled out the laptop and started reading an e-Book with my Nook app. Then I posted a *Frustrated* on my FB status. Thank goodness for Julie Banks. She commented on my status "Believe Susan Believe." So? I did. Sort of. When Patrick Marleau scored a goal I was still a little bitter. I tweeted out "A goal? Wow, only three more and it will be tied." (Never so happy in my life to eat those words). Then they scored again (Clowe on the PP) and I really started to believe. A two goal deficit not even half way through the game? Totally do-able.
When Logan scored their third goal, I went from believing to knowing. Kings rallied back quickly after that and made it 5-3, but inside I still knew. Clowe scored another one to make it 5-4, and it became less a question of "can they do this" to a question of "when will they do this?" Well, Joe Pavelski decided the "when." He tied the game at 5 with 30 seconds left in the second period. Come back complete. Now all the needed was the win.
No one scored in the third period. On to overtime. I called in my overtime mojo specialists to make sure they were watching the game.
3-4 minutes in to overtime and Seto screamed in a wrist shot for the epic-come-from-behind-overtime-stanley-cup-playoff-winner. I think Todd McClellen was even seen jumping up and down in elation.
I read lots of game summaries, but this paragraph from FTF (written by Mr. Plank) was my favorite:
It was like watching the entire 2010-2011 San Jose Sharks regular season unfold before your eyes - inconsistency plagued the team, bounces wouldn't go their way, and all efforts seemed for naught. But at the 3:07 mark of the second, the six game losing streak ended. And at 3:08, Patrick Marleau kicked off the Sharks rise to redemption.
Playoff Summary to date
Vancouver (1) leads 3-1 over Chicago (8)
San Jose (2) leads 2-1 over L.A. (7)
Detroit (3) leads 3-0 over Phoenix (6)
Nasville (5) leads 2-1 over Anaheim (4)
Washington (1) leads 2-1 over NYR (8)
Philadelphia (2) leads 2-1 over Buffalo (7)
Montreal (6) leads 2-1 over Boston (3)
Pittsburgh (4) leads 2-1 over Tampa Bay (5)
Monday, April 18, 2011
First the good...
Alex's soccer team (PAC Tigres 94)won the U16 Boys State Cup Championship on Saturday. They played Santa Clara Sporting which had several players that Alex knows, goes to school with and/or has played with in the past. It was a very good and disciplined game (for the most part, considering I thought it might get out of hand with some of the hostilities between these two teams). The final score was 2-0. Alex made some fantastic saves to keep them in the game. Now they will prepare for Regionals which will take place in June in Boise, Idaho. Good luck guys!
And next the Bad, which was also the Ugly. The really, really UGLY.
The Sharks got stomped by the L.A. Kings on Saturday night. At home. In HP Pavilion. 4-0 (yes, that's right) In Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Their penalty kill is absolutely killing me (and all other Sharks fans) AND unfortunately NOT the penalties. Ugh!
So, the series is tied up at 1 game a piece. Sharks head down to L.A. for games 3 and 4 on Tuesday and Thursday before heading back to HP on Saturday for game 5. Let's go Sharks! Get that ugly out of your game and start playing like champions.
Sharks (2) v. Kings (7) - Series tied 1-1
Canucks (1) v. Chicago (8) - Canucks lead series 3-0
Predators (5) v. Ducks (4) - Preds lead series 2-1
Red Wings (3) v. Phoenix (6) - Red Wings lead series 2-0
Capitals (1) v. NYR (8) - Caps lead series 2-1
Flyers (2) v. Sabres (7) - Series tied 1-1
Boston (3) v. Montreal (6) - Montreal lead series 2-0
Penguins (4) v. Tampa Bay (5) - Series tied 1-1
Friday, April 15, 2011
"When bad times come, you can use them to make you bitter or use them to make you better."
"The best part of not knowing who you are anymore is it gives you the perfect chance to become the person you want to be."
"You have to find something, something that anchors you, something that keeps you looking forward, even on the bad days, when you’re tempted to look back."
"It's only when we realize that life is taking us nowhere that it begins to have meaning."
"I know I’m made of mistakes, disappointments and failures. But, I promise you there’s a part of me worth keeping."
"Don’t carry mistakes with you, their weight may crush you. Place them under you, and use them as stepping stones to help you and build you."
"Here’s my gym schedule. Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, fifteen year break. Repeat."
"If I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith… I can marry my dreams."
Joe Pavelski wins it in overtime for the Sharks in Game 1 of the 2011 Stanley Cup Playoffs vs. the L.A. Kings. Way to get this party started! Final score 3-2.
Read a re-cap of the game here.
The Western Standings so far:
(1)Vancouver 1-0 over Chicago (8)
(2) San Jose 1-0 over L.A. (7)
(3) Detroit 1-0 over Phoenix
(5) Nashville 1-0 over Anaheim (4)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
2. I had an interview yesterday with SVSE. Sharks! OMG, can you imagine me working for the Sharks? Opportunity of a lifetime. Dream Job. They are looking to fill two accounting positions. *pick me* *pick me* *pick me* *fingers crossed*
3. Speaking of Sharks. The playoffs start tonight! This year's mental health strategy? Be cautiously optimistic. Don't get to high... don't get to low. I know, I know. I say that now, but what happens when they are up 3 games to 0 or down by a few games in the series? Ugh, back to square one, complete meltdown. But the first game is not until tonight, so until then let me enjoy the fantasy that I will be completely calm during the whole process. Thank you. I appreciate that.
4. The doctor's office called and after further lab tests it turns out that Alex did have some kind of infection. They are prescribing him some antibiotics so hopefully he can get over this thing a little faster now.
5. We need a new couch, like yesterday. We need a whole living room set. I'm hoping with the tax refund and the installment we'll be getting from selling the business we can do that soon. The big couch now has two gaping holes which the dog has been digging out the stuffing. The love seat has been shot for a while (and needs to be shot, if only to put it, and us, out of its misery). So... furniture shopping!
6. Oh, but wait. The dryer has been squeaking and making noises lately. Crap.
7. I am secretly plotting a night to myself on Saturday
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
I have found myself in a lot of stressful situations lately. And the way I have been mentally preparing myself to face these situations is to imagine the WCS. I figure this way I am prepared to face the worst possible outcome instead of having high hopes for the best possible results only to be crushed when something less than desirable happens.
Maybe it sounds negative. Maybe it sounds like I'm expecting the worse and then running the risk of creating a self-fulfilling prophesy. Well guess what? It is my mental stability that is on the line here... so I'm going to do what I need to do.
For example, Alex's soccer. He has been going through some difficulties with his team lately. He has been injured and their seems to be a disconnect between him and his coach. Basically it seems his coach has lost confidence in him. Anyway, they have been competing in State Cup Play and were almost eliminated in group play. They made it out of group play into the quarter finals. My whole mantra or conversation in my head was that the were going to lose and that it was going to be Alex's fault. This way I would be prepared for the fallout. I had to be, it can be that bad.
Also right now is the beginning of the Sharks playoffs, again. Every year I get so excited and so full of hope and confidence... only to be crushed and devastated when they don't pull it out. This year I am recalling every time when they got to the playoffs and didn't put in the effort. I am imagining the WCS. That they lose in the first round, everyone gets fired and Anaheim wins the Stanley Cup. It could happen. If it does, I will be ready.
I went for a job interview today. Job of a lifetime. Dream job even. WCS? I announce to everyone about the interview and how hopeful I am, get lots of well-wishes and then in the end... don't get an offer. I don't get the job, I'm stuck at my current job making pennies, have to explain to all the well-wishers that it didn't work out... and well. Yeah. That.
So, to summarize. I won't get the job. I'll be stuck at my current job for a prolonged amount of time not knowing how to spruce up my resume, interview skills, explanation for gap in employment history or references. The soccer team will lose in the finals and it will somehow be because of a mistake that Alex made or a ball he should have saved. The Sharks will come out listless and lose in the first round. The Ducks will be Stanley Cup champions.
Worst Cast Scenario. Even if it causes me to throw-up a little in my mouth just thinking about it... It could happen.