Most Quotable Friday

From the bottomless source of fun stuff that is.... Twitter. Happy Friday!

Sometimes it takes a really good fall to know where you stand.

Make sure you stand up for what’s right before you sit down to write about what’s wrong.

Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you'll be able to see farther.

Never get tired of doing little things for others, for those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts.

Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next.

Keep reminding yourself if something is meant to be happen, God will find a way to make it work.

Survive is when you're in pain but you keep on living anyway.

Remember that life isn't about being fair, it's about surpassing the unfair reality.

"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy" ~ Sir Isaac Newton

It's not always about trying to fix something broken. It's also about starting all over & creating something better.

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

Thursday Blurbs

1. No wine (or any alcohol) for the month of August, update: I still haven't had anything to drink! The last bottle of La Crema is still where it was on August 1st and I have not had a glass of wine since July 31st. I survived the night at the Improv, I held strong during lunch at BJ's for Brooke's birthday and I have made it through the stressers of everyday life for the last 18 days.

2. I have been on a sort of pity bender, though, for the last couple of weeks. Yeah, these little stretches are getting harder and harder to get out of. Sometimes when I think I'm out and back on the right track I get slammed right back against the cold, hard, cement mental block that is my life, personality and attitude. FML.

3. Brooke's massage and mani/pedi day was fun. We, as previously mentioned, went to lunch at BJ's. I had the flat bread pizza and salad lunch combo. Yum! Omg, the margaritas looked so yummy too. Ugh. We did, however, indulge in the chocolate chip pizookie. Heaven!

4. After lunch we went to the massage place. The massage her friend had recommended was actually an hour long foot massage (40 min. feet and 20 min. shoulder and back), so we opted instead for the 30 minute table massage. Um? Ouch. I'm telling you it hurt. She used elbows and all her strength thrown behind it to grind at my back and shoulders. I had to shake her off a couple of times because I couldn't stand it. There was a moment of euphoria for the few minutes after it was over... but other than that I don't think I'll be doing that again any time soon.

5. We went all the way back to my side of town for the mani/pedis. The nail place there is only $20 for a pedicure and $10 for a manicure. Apparently most places charge a whole lot more. We both got the same bluish/teal color for our toes and I got a pink/coral shade for my nubs (can't really call them finger nails). Anyway, fun relaxing day spent with Brooke and Kathy.

6. Back to school this week! Alex started on Tuesday and Jacob started yesterday. Ah, the new school year full of so much hope and promise... until the grades start coming out. Well, we we've got some new rules put in place and if I don't completely drop the ball we should see some improvement this year. Knock on wood.

7. Not much else to blurb about. I've been watching a lot of movies on Funshion. Wow, so many movies I haven't seen! I feel like a little kid when I'm looking up all the movies on there. Last night I watched Super 8. It was pretty good, I guess because I didn't have any expectations? I've also seen The Company Men, Bad Teacher, Hereafter, The Kids Are Alright, The Fighter, Conviction and Barney's Version.

8. Yeah, I need to stop with the movies and get back to the gym. Just waiting for the fog to lift. *sigh*

What I Have Learned Wednesday

First day of school edition:

1. I have learned that athazagoraphobia is the fear of being forgotten.

2. I have learned that Brent Burns (new defenseman for the San Jose Sharks) has a Harry Potter tattoo AND is a ninja.

3. I have learned that alcohol is not my core issue, nor is food. My core issue is denial and the unwillingness to face fears, fulfill untapped potential or deal head on with unpleasant situations.

4. I have learned that if nothing is going right, go left.

5. I have learned that I actually do positive things everyday and that I should focus on those things instead of the negative things.

6. I have learned that there is nothing deep down inside us except what we have put there ourselves.

7. I have learned there is so much more I could be doing to improve, enjoy and live my life fully.

8. I have learned that my kids are perfectly capable of tuning me out but are inexplicably, incapable of tuning each other out.

12am Pity Party

You know you're a loser when...

you are 45 years old and eat cherry pop tarts for breakfast.

you eat Ben and Jerry's Phish Food for dinner and watch 3 movies in your room on Saturday night.

you go to bed without washing your face or brushing your teeth.

you wake up and try to bargain with God to just let you sleep some more so you won't have to deal with your life.

you know your kids are going to end up in jail and you don't do anything about it.

you trade one addiction for another.

when you can't find one appealing place in your head to let your mind wander.

when you have everything but feel nothing.

when you seriously consider smoking the weed that you confiscated from your teenager.

when life has passed you by and you've got nothing to show for it except a run down house and bad credit.

your teenagers tune you out, but react to every little thing that they say to eachother.

when you wake up in the morning and recite "you know you're a loser when" thoughts in your head.

you are in a dark, dark place and can't find your way out.

you buy healthy food at the store then go pig out on junk food.

you could keep coming up with these things all night.

Most Quotable Friday

From my Twitter feed collection (yes, I have a collection)...

Friends help you to buy your lunch, but best friends will eat your lunch without your permission.

Just be yourself. All the good personalities are taken.

That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life anymore.

The true heart can touch the poison of hatred without being harmed.

Realized: "Google before you tweet" is the new "think before you speak.".

Unhappiness cannot exist on its own. It occurs because of thoughts, which can be changed.

A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.

I changed all my passwords to "incorrect" So my computer just tells me when I forget.

My abilities are only limited by those who try to test them.

No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

Thursday Blurbs

1. Howdy Y'all - welcome to the Thursday Blurbs. Let's see, what is going on around here that would possibly spark any interest. Hmmm... Yeah. It has been kind of slow. Fact: if Thursday Blurbs starts out with "Howdy Y'all?" Run for the hills. I'm serious. There can be nothing noteworthy here. Look at little man over here at the right. His troubles are kind of symbolic to my last few weeks... poor fella.

2. Still reading huh? Well, okay. I did make a pretty cool discovery recently, thanks to my coworkers Jennifer and Victoria. It is a Chinese website called Funshion. It is a site where you can download and watch movies for free. Big blockbuster movies. You can find almost any movie on there. Yes, the website is in Chinese, but you can search for movies in English and it gets translated. The movies (American movies) are all in English, but they do have Chinese subtitles. Most are really good quality, some even in HD, and are rated by users. I'm told that once in a while you get a stinker (quality wise, i.e. it is a recorded from a movie theater) but for the most part they are pretty good... and free. So, don't forget that.

3. In the last couple of days I have watched Water For Elephants, Source Code, Lincoln Lawyer and Tangled. Cool, right? Not as cool as when I hook up the video wire that I ordered from Amazon that will connect the lap top to the TV and we can watch the movies in HD and on the flat screen. Can't wait. Who needs Netflix?

4. Tomorrow Brooke has set us up to go get massages. Hour long massages (I am melting into my chair just thinking about it) followed by mani/pedis. Girls Day! Her birthday is Saturday and we have been talking about doing something like this for years, ever since we met. Since our birthdays are so close together we have always schemed to do something like this... and now we are doing it. Whoohoo! We also always talked about bringing cocktails to the soccer games... and three weeks ago she made that happen too. I think we are on a roll.

5. School starts next week. On Monday Jacob has a doctor's appointment in the morning for a physical and his TDAP immunization shot. Followed shortly by a dentist appointment for both of them. Heh, heh. Fun day for them. I guess we can do something a little fun after that. Maybe a movie or go out to lunch. Alex starts school on Tuesday and Jacob starts on Wednesday.

6. Just booked a ticket for Alex to fly to Seattle for a Far West Regional League game against a team from Washington. I hope he plays. It is going to be close to $500 for just one game. I e-mailed Julie and Kevin... it would be so cool if they could come out to the game. If he plays that is. If they do that means he will get to meet Ellie before me. *Jealous*

New Top Ten List Posted

Top Ten Favorite Words... That start with "A"

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Top Ten Places I'd Rather Be Than Where I Am Right Now...

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What I've Learned Wednesday

I learned that "silent" and "listen" are spelled with the same letters.

I learned that the most shoplifted book of all time is The Bible.

I learned that apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

I learned that San Jose is up to 30 homicides, SO FAR, in 2011. We are not the safest small city any more.

I learned that humility is hard and that pride stands in the way of happiness.

I learned that not being able to get up in the morning is an actual "thing" and it has a real name - Dysania. Never mind. It is NOT in the dictionary.

I learned not to trust everything I read. *sigh*

I have learned that I have very addictive tendencies. While this is not news, I have been aware of this for years... I have recently learned that when I focus on a certain addiction (i.e. drinking) it is easily replaced by another addiction (i.e. eating). I am never really free, am I?

No Vino - Day 9

Well, I am doing it. I haven't had a glass of wine, or any alcohol for that matter, for nine days. Instead, I have been going back to my old addiction, food. Last night could have been a great end to a great day. I was supposed to have gone to the YMCA after coming home from work. I was going to do the circuit weights followed by Zumba at 6:30. Then, I was supposed to come home and eat a sensible meal. Imagine what I would have felt like waking up this morning? Hmm, guess I'll just have to do just that, imagine, because that is what NOT happened.
When I got home from work the house was empty. The boys were out and Juan was at work. So, what did I do? I loaded up a movie on the laptop, grabbed a bowl of ice cream, got comfortable and watched the movie in my room. Sigh.
Tonight I face the Sportsplex again where Jacob practices roller hockey. So, here is the war that is waging inside of my head: What should I be more afraid of? The vending machines (candy and chips), the restaurant (fried food) or the bar? At this point it is a toss up. I'm not really sure what the point of all of this is if it is going to be like this.
Part of me has the desire to change the tape inside my head, while another part feels it is hopeless and nothing will ever change. Another part just laughs at the futility of it all.

Giving Up The Vino Day 6

Day Six... sucked.

I hated today. I still do. Just go away day, just go away.
Last night was so fun. I had a great time with Victoria, Jennifer and their friend Chau. We had dinner at the Sante Grill and then walked over to the Improv for the show. I had a blast. The show was funny, I had a good time and I didn't have to have a drink to enjoy myself. How refreshing!
But today? I think I mentioned that it sucked. I didn't have a drink or a glass of wine, but I would kill (and trust me when I say this) for a glass of wine right now. In this, my cataclismic, emotionally charged low, I am considering taking one of my few remaining vicodins, just to take the edge off. I want to disappear and never come back. I am in such a dark place right now that I seriously cannot think of one bright thought to get me through. I just don't care. There is nothing to care about.
Yes, of course it's hormonal and an emotional reaction based on events that took place today. Just reminders of what an epic failure I am at life, motherhood and everything else in between. Everything just came in waves. Failures of my past, present and assummed future. When I took the dog out for a walk I just cried the whole way. I still want to go somewhere by myself and cry.

Just three hours more and it will be tomorrow. Day 7. A new day. Please God, give me strength to finish this day on some kind of positive note.

Most Quotable Friday

More treats from Twitter... Happy Friday! Enjoy.

There is always, always, always, something to be thankful for.

Don’t miss the opportunity to do something better today by wasting time regretting yesterday.

You will only receive a negative idea if your mind is fertile ground for that idea.

Some people are like clouds, when they disappear, it’s a brighter day.

I’m experiencing life at a rate of several WTF’s a minute…

Someday everything will make sense. So laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears & remind yourself that everything happens for a reason.

You're only as dumb as the situation you didn't learn from.

God never gives you something that you can't handle, and never takes back anything without which you can't live.

Judge someone not by what he has, but instead by what he gives away.

Dreams have nothing to do with your Fate.

Thursday Blurbs

1. The heavy work on the home improvement project is done. We still have some detailing to do like painting the trim, replacing some of the chewed up sections and hanging up the art / decorations on the walls. Oh, and of course my pictures. I am going to start from scratch on designing the hallway picture gallery. That will take some time.

2. I got a raise at work. Which, is funny considering only a few months ago they cut everyone's salary or hours by 10% across the board. I'm not sure what they are up to, besides wanting to pile more work on me, but I'm still sending out resumes and cover letters. Grateful to have a job, but feel there is something better and more worthwhile out there for me. Don't stop believin'.

3. I had a great birthday last week. I took the day off from work and went to the most amazing spa where I treated myself to an hour long massage, a facial treatment followed by the hot tub and steam room. Heavenly. After the spa Juan took me to lunch in Santa Cruz followed by some impromptu wine tasting and shopping in Saratoga. When we got home the entire house had been cleaned and organized from top to bottom by a staff of professionals. After a short nap, I opened the bounty of gifts and got ready to go to dinner. A limo arrived around 6pm that took us up to the city where we had the most spectacular food, wine and view you could possibly imagine. I will never forget this birthday, that's for sure.

4. Probably because it didn't happen. LOL! House cleaned by professionals? Baahahahahahaha! I did have a nice birthday though and I really did take the day off from work. We had raviolis from La Villa... so nothing, I mean NOTHING can match that. Except for maybe the beautiful white roses and lovely jewelry that Juan picked out. I absolutely loved them.

5. Alex finally (after two previous tries) passed his permit test and now has a valid driver's permit! Yikes. Well, I still need to sign him up for behind the wheel lessons, I guess the permit isn't actually valid until the instructor signs it after the first day of instruction. Details. Always getting in the way! But he passed, so that was the important thing.

6. Alex has been going to training at Great America for his job. I guess he is officially an employee now. He sure had to jump through a lot of hoops to get there. Hopefully he gets some hours soon before school starts up again. I am proud of his perseverance with this because he needed to be very proactive to make it happen. I hope this helps him in his learning/maturing/decision making process.

7. Jacob is at his last day of community service today. I hope he has learned his lesson as well. I am grateful that this got him out of the house for awhile this summer and hopefully gave him some perspective on his life and his decision making as well.

Giving Up The Vino for a Month

Day 1 (8/1): I woke up in the morning apprehensive but certain about doing what needed to be done. I have been drinking every night for, I can't even remember, how long. Let's just say for to long. I've been working out a lot, but not making any progress because of, in part, the drinking. Like a lot of people I am trying to break the cycle of alcoholism in my family. My grandfather and my mother, may they rest in peace, were both alcoholics. I get scared every day that I am headed down the same path. Before I got out of bed I prayed really hard for strength to get through the day and to not give in to weakness when I got home from work in the evening. The day went fine and I came home to my first challenge. I was irritable and when I came home the boys didn't fail to push my buttons. I took Alex to practice and part way there... he realized he didn't have his cleats. I was frustrated because we were already running late and with traffic I was going to be late to my Zumba class. By the time we got to the YMCA there was no parking. I thought I was going to blow a gasket. I almost peeled out of the parking lot, went strait home and opened up my last bottle of La Crema. But, thankfully a spot opened up just in time and I trudged on. After picking up Alex from practice we went home and had dinner. I can't lie. I thought about it. Thought about it a lot. I wanted to have a glass. But I didn't.

Day 2 (8/2): I woke up with the feeling that the combination of not having a glass of wine and going to workout gave me some really positive momentum to head in to day 2. Today would be challenge, however, as I quickly had to remind myself. Tuesday. The day I take Jacob to his roller hockey practice. The day when I don't get a chance to workout. The day where I am at the Sportsplex for over an hour... where there is a bar. A bar with wine. Sigh. I didn't sit at my usual place, opting instead for a table closer to the pro shop. Here I finished reading Water For Elephants (review to come) and managed to beat the temptation to go grab a glass of wine from the bar. I got home and made dinner. I had just started when Juan texted me and asked if I could pick up Alex. Ugh, I almost lost it. I told him I had to make dinner otherwise we wouldn't have anything made. But more importantly I worked through the frustrations and didn't open up that bottle.

Day 3 (8/3): Today was a tough day at work. I almost lost it with Mira. I kept it under control, but sometimes she is just to much and I have to give her another (more reasonable) perspective. Anyway, day 3, I had a little more momentum going, but fortunately not enough to make me over confident. Today's plan was, again, take Alex to practice, go workout and pick him up again afterwards. It went well. He remembered his cleats today, so that was good. I got to the Y just before 6:30. I decided to do the whole arm circuit and then run on the treadmill instead of doing the group cycle class. So, that's what I did. At home I was a bit tense and was really thinking about writing this first blog post. I didn't want to wait until tomorrow in case I had to concentrate on work stuff again for the whole day. Writing down my first three days helped a lot to take my mind off things. Kind of the way a glass of wine would. Hmm.

Just give me 10 days...

Please?

You know I don't ask for much. Well, okay. I ask a lot. But that's not what I'm talking about.

Anyway, can you please just give me 10 days? 10 days of eating healthy: no sweets, no takeout, no saturated fat, etc. In fact, 10 days of the following: Lean Cuisine (or equivalent) for lunch and dinner, oatmeal for breakfast, fruit and nuts in between meals.

Can you give me 10 days without drinking any alcohol?

Can you give me 10 days of good solid workouts?

You, we, are on the brink here of a breakthrough but you keep sabotaging yourself. Please, just give me 10 days and things will look better, I promise.

No, your problems will still be there. You've got to deal with those. But, I promise you'll feel better and maybe even have better mental stamina to tackle some of those troublesome troubles that just don't want to go away.

What have you got to lose? Exactly. Give me 10 days.

Please?

Most Quotable Friday

"Most Twitterable Friday" Quotes stripped from my Twitter feed:

No matter how hard you find something, there is always a way to get you there. Just try a little harder.

The will to win is not nearly as important as the will to prepare to win.

God gives you what you need, not what you want and sometimes, more than you ever dreamed of.

Look between the lines. Read between the words. The most important things are left unsaid & unheard.

Destiny is something people invented because they can't stand the fact that everything happens is a result of their choices.

Don’t hide behind fake smiles, it’s OK to not be alright.

I don't hate you...I just don't appreciate your existence.

If your presence doesn’t make an impact, your absence won’t make a difference.

I hate hearing something that absolutely kills me inside and having to act like I don’t care.

Happiness starts with, one word, one joke, one text, one phone call, one song, one hug or one kiss…and stops with, one mistake.