Friday, March 04, 2011

Dear Fat Me -

When are you going to get off your lazy, reality-avoiding ass and start moving again? None of my pants fit me anymore... and those are my fat pants. I am not going to buy bigger pants. These are already size 14. Damn. That is so depressing.
Come on, please? You have a membership to the YMCA. You can run/walk at the track at the high school when Alex has practice. You can stop drinking 1/2 a bottle of wine every day. You can stop following that up with whatever high sugar and a high carb food you can eat to fill that void that will never get filled.
Stop eating yourself to death. Please get healthy. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just feel gross. I know all you want to do is sit in front of the tv, drink your wine and forget your life. You don't even clean anymore. You don't prepare meals. You don't make plans. You don't want to do anything. You are drowning in this pattern. This routine. This cycle of self medicating abuse.
You are a mess. Your kids are a mess. Do you think that they are feeding off your sick and negligent energy? Is that why Jacob is turning into a lying, manipulating, little thief? Is he ever going to turn around?
What about Alex. He is failing school. They both are. What about your husband. Damn. When was the last time you gave him any of your time and attention? He is so good to you. But you, you are so absorbed into your little self protected cocoon. Who are you protecting yourself from? What are you protecting yourself from? There is a whole world out there and you are watching it all slip by. I'm really tired of waiting for you to snap out of this depression. I want to just scream. Actually, I have been screaming, you just can't hear me. I don't even have the energy or the tears anymore.
I don't know what else to do with you. I think you've won. I hope you're happy.

Healthy Me

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