Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Dear Co-Worker -

You are such a complete and utter BITCH. I cannot stand the sight of your fake smile and "I think I'm superior" smirk. You are, in fact, ridiculous. Where do I even start? How about with the basics. You can't spell or use grammar correctly. Yes, I realize spell-check is great and that you are very efficient with it, not to mention use it obsessively, but even that cannot hide your numerous, exposed grammatical flaws.

I hate the way you treat our other co-worker. You have no right to talk to her like you own her or like she is your dog. In fact you have a dog, don't you? I bet you treat it better then you do our very nice co-worker. It is not her fault you make mistakes. Take some accountability for your self, please. Stop blaming your shortcomings on anyone and everyone who isn't, well, you. Oh, and? While your at it, stop taking credit for her work to try and make your self look good. You are a soulless, empty shell of a person.

Your daughter has an eating disorder? That is so damn sad. Are you pushing for unattainable perfection at home with your own kids? I am not one to judge, my family is having serious (non-food) issues of their own. So I know what it is like to bring that balance into the workplace when your mind is elsewhere. But you? You need to focus on those issues and stop walking around the office sniffing for new titles and plotting your passive-aggressive moves and counter-moves on unsuspecting people.

You know what is freaking hilarious? Well, besides the fact that you lie to your "friends" about your job title. How pathetic is it that you tell people that you are a the VP of this company? Really? I struggle between, feeling absolutely sorry for you that your mentality is so low that you would have to do that, and feeling completely outraged at your behavior while relishing in the laughter when your "friends" actually call us here in the office to ask if you are the VP.
What is even more hysterical than that is when you walk around this place with that stick up your ass and act like you are upper management. You don't even realize you are at the same level as everyone else who is not a Manager, VP or CEO. Cracks me up! You know they are laughing at you, right? Oh? You don't know? Of course you don't. You are so far gone in your psychosis that you really believe you run the company.

Don't think that I don't see what you do with the timekeeping software either. Take advantage of being able to work at home much? I didn't know that driving to work counted for our working hours. I really wish I could clock in for work at home, take the kids to school, do some errands, and then actually come to work. Don't mind the jealousy, it's just that I could leave at 3:30 every day if I could clock in at home. Speaking of which... Digging even further into the delusion you have of becoming a VP becomes even more fodder for the laughter we share about your ambitions when the fact is.... you only work PART - TIME. Please explain to me how you expect to become VP when you only work part-time. Let's also talk about how you don't want to interact with any of our "clients" or "customers." While we're at it, let's discuss how you turn off your (inter-office) IM and don't answer your phone. Explain to me with your limited vocabulary. Simple terms and sentences will be fine. I will also accept words under 4 letters (as long as they are spelled correctly) Go ahead. Do it.


PS - Don't even get me started on the strippers you and your husband hire as entertainment for your house parties. Because, well? That's gross.

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