(This is really long, if you are going to try and get through it, you might want to schedule in a bathroom break. I took two while I was writing it...)
I was feeling a little melancholy going into Mother’s Day weekend this year. Since becoming a mom, I have always loved Mother’s Day. My kids get very into it and I get lots of “I Love You’s” and unexpected hugs and kisses during the day. This year was no different. Hubby brought flowers Saturday night. Buzz (who wasn’t able to wait until Sunday) gave me his little gift he made in school as I walked in the door on Friday. Woody surprised me Saturday night by making fruit salad! It was all so endearing. Sunday they all gave me cards that they had proudly picked out themselves... it was wonderful. However, I just couldn’t shake the heaviness I was feeling. Sigh. I was PMSing which, for me, just exacerbates any negativity or irrationality I’m feeling anyway. I just wanted to be by myself...but couldn’t (you know?). I also, in the back of my mind, started thinking about my own mom and how this was the second Mother’s Day I would spend without her since she died.
Then, Sunday? Just went completely out of control (well, from my melancholy and PMSing perspective).
Woody had a soccer game (yes, on Mother’s Day). For every mile that we drove to get to the field the temperature seemed to rise incrementally (this is spring people!). It was 95 degrees at 4:30 when we headed for home. On the way home? My car broke down. On the freeway. Twenty miles from home. Sigh. So, I’m sitting there on the freeway, with my kids, on Mother's Day, waiting for a tow truck and they are being so sweet, apologizing to me because I was having a “sucky” Mother’s Day.
We get the car home ($130 towing charge, thank-you-very-much, not). I had the same problem a few weeks ago and it turned out it was the fuse that controls the fuel system. The same fuse blew out again. #91 went to Kragen and bought some fuses for me and replaced the one that was broken. Sidenote: Something (read: expensive) is causing the fuse to blow so I definitely have to have it serviced and get the fuel pump checked out.
About an hour later (after fixing the fuse and getting the car to start) the kids reminded me that we were going to order pizza for dinner (and watch the Sharks’ game) and could I order it now? I went to get my phone out of my purse, and guess what? It wasn’t there. It wasn’t anywhere. Will this day never end? I re-traced my steps and realized I must have left it in the cab of the tow truck. I called the number (on the $130 receipt) of the tow truck company. After I explained what happened, they told me I had to call Triple A to find out who the driver was. Called Triple A, stayed on hold for 20 minutes. Talked to someone who would locate driver and could I hold again? At which point I accidentally hung up the phone. Without giving her my home phone number... Ugh! Called again, waited 20 more minutes to get through to an operator to explain, again, what happened. They promise to contact the tow truck driver, and have the tow truck company call me about my phone. The tow truck company called back an hour later... The driver did not find my phone.
So where the hell is it? Shit like this drives me absolutely crazy. This out-of-control, my-memory-is-playing-tricks-on-me, what-is-going-to-happen-next (?) mentality makes me really think I am losing my mind. I had my phone with me, people, when I called for a tow truck on the freeway!!! We did not get back in the car, we got into the cab of the tow truck. I did not call anyone when we got home, so if it is not in my purse, then, where is it now? Still on the freeway? The kids (trying desperately to salvage this day for me) started calling my cell phone from the house phone while walking around to see if they can hear the ringer. They didn’t find it. Then? (after I gave up on the phone thing) We sat and watched our beloved Sharks lose (fall apart right in front of our eyes) a third strait game. They are all but eliminated from the playoffs. Game 6 is Wednesday in the other team’s arena and it will take a miracle for them to win there and force a game 7. Heartbreaking. I was literally heartbroken. So, I did the only thing left to do. I let myself be overwhelmed. I embraced all the negativity, heaviness, out-of-controlness and frustration I felt and let it take over.
I went in my room and cried. I cried for my mom. I cried for realizing that it was on Mother’s Day two years ago that mom first told me she was sick. She hadn’t been diagnosed with cancer yet, but they knew (she knew) something was terribly wrong. I cried for thinking this was why I had been feeling so down the past few days but wouldn’t allow myself to think about it. I cried for all the little things my family did for me and how I tried to show my appreciation but it just wasn’t enough to bring over the brink I had fallen into that day. I cried for how sweet they had been all weekend and how lucky I was to have them. I cried for feeling out of control. I cried for my stupid phone which was probably on the shoulder of the freeway. I cried for spending $130 on a tow truck when there are much better things I could use that money for. I cried for feeling alone (even though I wanted to be alone).
After completely purging myself into my pillow, I drifted off to a peaceful sleep... until about an hour and a half later when hubby came home. Guess what he had with him? (here is the surprise twist) My f-ing phone! How, you ask? After I had put the kids to bed and before my crying session I called hubby to update him about the car and told him about my phone. I explained the whole thing to him about the tow truck, etc, etc. When he got home he checked out the car and also called my cell phone just to be sure it wasn't in the car. He said he heard it beeping in the back cargo area.
You see, when we waited for the tow we pulled out the fold-up chairs to sit in because it was to hot to sit in the car. Apparently when I put them back in the car I folded the phone up with one of the chairs and only assumed I had put it in my purse... Do I suck or what? Well, at least my recall does.
I guess that is sort of a happy ending right? And I do feel much better today.