Day Six... sucked.
I hated today. I still do. Just go away day, just go away.
Last night was so fun. I had a great time with Victoria, Jennifer and their friend Chau. We had dinner at the Sante Grill and then walked over to the Improv for the show. I had a blast. The show was funny, I had a good time and I didn't have to have a drink to enjoy myself. How refreshing!
But today? I think I mentioned that it sucked. I didn't have a drink or a glass of wine, but I would kill (and trust me when I say this) for a glass of wine right now. In this, my cataclismic, emotionally charged low, I am considering taking one of my few remaining vicodins, just to take the edge off. I want to disappear and never come back. I am in such a dark place right now that I seriously cannot think of one bright thought to get me through. I just don't care. There is nothing to care about.
Yes, of course it's hormonal and an emotional reaction based on events that took place today. Just reminders of what an epic failure I am at life, motherhood and everything else in between. Everything just came in waves. Failures of my past, present and assummed future. When I took the dog out for a walk I just cried the whole way. I still want to go somewhere by myself and cry.
Just three hours more and it will be tomorrow. Day 7. A new day. Please God, give me strength to finish this day on some kind of positive note.