Well, I am doing it. I haven't had a glass of wine, or any alcohol for that matter, for nine days. Instead, I have been going back to my old addiction, food. Last night could have been a great end to a great day. I was supposed to have gone to the YMCA after coming home from work. I was going to do the circuit weights followed by Zumba at 6:30. Then, I was supposed to come home and eat a sensible meal. Imagine what I would have felt like waking up this morning? Hmm, guess I'll just have to do just that, imagine, because that is what NOT happened.
When I got home from work the house was empty. The boys were out and Juan was at work. So, what did I do? I loaded up a movie on the laptop, grabbed a bowl of ice cream, got comfortable and watched the movie in my room. Sigh.
Tonight I face the Sportsplex again where Jacob practices roller hockey. So, here is the war that is waging inside of my head: What should I be more afraid of? The vending machines (candy and chips), the restaurant (fried food) or the bar? At this point it is a toss up. I'm not really sure what the point of all of this is if it is going to be like this.
Part of me has the desire to change the tape inside my head, while another part feels it is hopeless and nothing will ever change. Another part just laughs at the futility of it all.