1. I'm not sure I feel like blurbing today. I apologize if it turns into more of a "Thursday Rant" or "Thursday Venting."
2. I am just sick. Sick from head to toe after last night's playoff game against Vancouver. They completely fell apart before my eyes. Down 2-0 in the series. I'm thinking I should call it right now. Time of Death: 5/18/2011, 7:35pm. There are no words. I was having dreams about headlines and articles that hadn't even been written yet. That queasiness that comes after a major loss. All the critics that come out of the woodwork. All the "I told you so's" and the shredding of their character, willingness to win and mental toughness. I can't stand it. Media blackout until further notice.
3. Juan and I have an appointment on Monday at Jacob's school to discuss the damages that he and his friend caused at the elementary school a few weeks ago. What they want to discuss is payment. I have no words for this either. Any money that I had saved for a hockey camp this summer is now going to go toward this.
4. I don't think Jacob will be able to tryout for hockey this summer. He still has D's and F's on his progress/report card. I don't know how to get through to him. Now the question is what am I going to do about him this summer?
5. I think I will look into what the YMCA has. They might have a young teen program. At least that should keep him out of trouble and out of the house all day.
6. I have been thinking about all the bridges I have burned. There are so many people that I feel like I need to avoid because of something I have done or because of something my kids have done. I don't like the feeling. I don't like what I have become. There is an uneasiness about me that has taken root. I really feel like a want a fresh start somewhere else. Somewhere where no one knows me.
7. I feel so negative all the time. An angerness has taken over and I am constantly pissed off. I'm angry at work. I'm angry driving my car. I'm angry at home. I need help. I am falling apart. I am letting it happen.
8. The sick feeling has not dissipated. Seems like it will linger all day. It is to much like last year. I think they ran out of comebacks. I don't know that they have it in them. It's not so much that they lost but how they made a circus out of it. Hockey Follies? No! Dammit! IT'S THE FUCKING STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS! PLAY LIKE CHAMPIONS OR GO HOME.
9. Sorry for the potty mouth.
10. I am going to go find a quiet place to cry now.