Wednesday, March 22, 2006

# 91 on the verge of his big move...

I am about 50% better than yesterday. What does that mean? It means the edge is definitely gone and replaced with a more dull reminder that yes, the crampiness is still here but probably won't bite me in the ass today. And, yes, if I am nice maybe the Motrin I take might even be effective, but no promises. Some months it is just all out war, I'm telling you. Then it passes and all is good with the world. I've even had glimpses of giddiness. Just little snippets that escape out. I woke up with anxiety but talked myself through it and here I am. If this is any precursor to menopause I am so screwed. So is everyone else in my life. The good news is that a similar dehibilitation probabaly won't re-occur for another couple of months.

#91 says he should be getting an apartment within the next few weeks! He had an interview Monday with the property managers and it looks like they are in line for the new apartments about to come available. This is good for all of us in a lot of ways. There is no bad blood or animosity, it is just time for him to be out on his own. He is almost 24, he just needs to do this. He has been in and out of community college classes since high school and if he was committed to getting into the fire fighter academy, he would have done it by now. I think he is really good at what he does now (teaches special needs kids) and I don't really see him becoming a firefighter anymore. Maybe he will surprise us, I don't know. I just know he enjoys his free time, hanging out with friends, watching sports, sleeping and partying. He can be disciplined but only for short amounts of time. What will it mean at home? Well, for me it means I will have full 24/7 access to my washer and dryer, there won't be clothes hung out to dry all over my garage and treadmill, I won't have to share my kitchen, refrigerator space, all the dirty dishes will my my responsibility (I won't have to pile them up in the corner or put them in his room or some other passive/agressive shit) and I won't have to share my Diet Coke!
He won't be getting in the shower when I'm trying to get the kids in there, he won't be in the bathroom in the morning when the kids need to brush their teeth, I won't have to deal with his 4 towels he insists he "needs" for every shower that take up space on the towel racks in the bathroom, I won't have to deal with his newspaper or magazine that he leaves in the bathroom, I won't have to get pissed over how he never empties the garbage or puts it out to the curb, there will be one less person making a mess and not contributing any help around the house. Okay, things I will miss. Oh, I forgot one... no more fighting with him over parking in the driveway!!! Yay. So things I will miss about #91 not living at home. We will have to pay the PG&E bill. That will definitely suck. I will miss his personality and sense of humor, when I'm not furious with him, of course. The kids will miss him. It will be more pressure on Pooh Bear and I to cover with the kids' schedule, i.e. he won't be around for babysitting during those overlap times. But, we pretty much have weaned ourselves from most of that, so I don't think it should be too hard. Woody is almost old enough to stay by himself for an hour or so if he doesn't want to go to the store with me or whatever. Of course Buzz and Woody together by themselves is definitely a few years away. But, that is another story. I wish #91 the best, he is a good guy and I love him very much.

I imagine some of our future conversations will be like this:
#91-Man, I didn't know this stuff was so expensive!
Me - Oh? Like what?
#91 - Like everything. Like, laundry detergent, dryer sheets, soap, cleaning stuff, vacuums, furniture, utensils, plates...
Me - Hmmm, really? That's funny, I seem to be spending less at the grocery store now that you are gone.
#91-Why didn't you tell me?
Me-Hmmm, I'm pretty sure I did. Plenty of times. You should have listened.
#91 Can I come home?

Goodbye my son. I raised you since you were 10. Now it is time to let you go. You are a young man with your whole life in front of you. Do right by yourself, keep us in your heart and know that we will always be here for you and will always love you.

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